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How do I connect w/ a guy after being single for so long?!

Published on October 4, 2012 by lovejas26

I have been single now for almost a year and a half, and have been "out of the game" for a really long time, due to an 8-yr. on/off again really BAD relationship.  Also, I have put on some weight due to medication, and guys just don't seem to notice me AT ALL anymore.  I am a friendly, attractive, out-going and honest person, and I just don't understand why I don't seem to be attracting men anymore.  Also, since I've been single for a while now, I just don't know how to approach guys if I'm interested in them, or talk to them without feeling really weird, and too forward.  See, in the past I have Never had to approach guys or (the horror!) ask a guy out before (which I still just can't bring myself to do)!

I know what "they" say...be confident--it's sexy; get involved in stuff you like and you will meet someone w/ similar interests.  I've even tried online dating before and I hated it (most guys I encountered were just looking for a booty call, or were Married!). Well, those things just don't seem to be working for me.  Also, just to clarify, I'm Definitely NOT desperate for a man (especially after the awful relationship I went through), but I would Love to find someone I could be friends with first, then maybe start dating afterwards.  It's just been SO long since I've been asked out on an actual DATE by a man, I feel like something's wrong with me.  Do guys even DO that anymore, or do they just facebook/twitter you and expect you to jump into bed with them?!!?  I don't know anymore, I'm just so confused and lonely.  Please help!

Thanks.

ANSWERS

If you truly aren't in a rush to attract dates (or a partner), then take the pressure off yourself. The advice to be confident and do the things you truly enjoy doing does work-- but you have to really do it.

From what you write, it seems that you might have some doubts about how attractive you are. Make sure you're really ready for a new relationship by not only strengthening your own self-confidence, but also by letting go of the bad relationship. There could be residual beliefs/expectations/assumptions that are part of the block you're having to attracting a new relationship.

Best Wishes, Susie and Otto

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