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how to deal with a step daughter

Published on July 3, 2012 by beth1969

I have a 12 year old step daughter..She has a temper tantrum if we close the bedroom door..we don't have anytime for ourselves at night time..she can't stand it when we are in the same room and the door is closed in any part of the house. even though nothing sexually is going on

I am not understanding any of this.she is also very direspectful towards me..She feels her dad should give her all the attention..I am having a conversation with him and she has to break up our conversation...what can I do..


It might help to see life through this girl's eyes. Not too long ago, she had -- in her mind -- a happy family and the sense of security of having Mom and Dad under the same roof any time day or night.

Now nothing is the way it used to be. In a normal family, raising children is one of the top priorities. Children are given a lot of time and attention. This girl used to be #1 and rightfully so. But life got turned upside down and the priorities are off. She is the innocent victim of Mom and Dad's dysfunctional relationship.

A lot of the hours that normally would be spent on her -- schoolwork, sports, extra-curricular activities -- is spent by her parents breaking off one relationship and starting another. Why should she have to pay the price? She did nothing wrong.

Children want the love and attention of their parents; they want to feel that they are important. When daddy gets a new wife who diverts his attention, daughter is fearful that no one is really investing the time into raising her, caring for her, or loving her.

The key to peace is to encourage a good relationship between the daughter and her mother, and between daughter and her dad.

We don't know anything about you guys, so I'm just giving general advice. You may already be doing this: Make sure they have lots of time alone with one another. Does her dad have a daily pre-bedtime routine? Do they snuggle up with popcorn or ice cream and watch her favorite TV shows?

Does he ask about her schoolwork? There are a lot of studies that say that if a dad is involved with homework the children have lower chances for drug/alcohol abuse and early sexual activity. So continue to encourage him to spend time with her

When she finally feels secure, I doubt she'll be so threatened. This is going to take self-sacrifice and patience on your part. Right now she feels like a bottomless pit of neediness, but she's just a kid and whatever you invest now will come back to you later.

Test it for several months and see what happens. Blended families are difficult and it takes years for individuals to feel like "family."