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How to deal with a person who has PA

Published on August 3, 2012 by hopeful33

 My ex and I are on a break. She likes someone else, but still continues to claim to still want it to work, but she's not aware that she is passive aggressive and it becomes a challenge to know if she still loves me or not. As long as I've known her, she's been the type to deny what she feels and puts up a wall and refuses to show how she really feels. For one, she still continues to ask me if I wanna spend time with her during days that she's not working or available, when she could be spending a good amount of that time with her new interest. It doesn't make sense.


She still flirts and gets affectionate at different times and on certain days. Like I said, she's passive aggressive, and I've never talked to her about it before cause I'm not sure how to bring it up for one, and don't even know if she's aware of her own problems.Soon as she went back to her parents home after she got kicked out of college for poor grades, she's drastically changed and became withdrawn within a week, and that doesn't seem normal to me. She's been a different person on how she expresses herself. 

She gets upset if I don't agree with what she says, and even goes quiet. She also has times when she pouts and acts childish. One thing that's changed a lot is that she's become very anti-social even though she refuses to admit it, and doesn't even hold a conversation anymore. She's become more of a listener than an initiator.


I love this girl very much to even handle this for almost two years. She claims that she doesn't feel like she did a year ago with me, but her actions don't match her words, and with her disorder, I feel that it's obvious that she's lying to herself and to me to keep up her wall. It's almost like she's afraid to love, cause from what I read, people with that disorder fear dependecy. I suppose some see loving someone as being dependent?

My question is, how do I bring up her problems without it seeming offensive? How do I go about this at this point of the relationship?


She's interested in someone else and treats you like a ping-pong ball who she can be passive aggressive with? You mustn't think much of yourself if you think this is all you deserve in life. As Tina Turner says, "What's love got to do with it?" Get as far away from this toxic situation right away. Tell her you won't be getting back together and you choose to no longer communicate for closure. Get some books from the library on improving self esteem and relationship books on what an emotionally healthy relationship should be like. Good luck.

No offence safire, but I think you're reading too much into me thinking I dont think much of myself. I'm not one to abandone someone in need of help. Not every relationship can be perfect as I know you know that as well.

I know you may have your own opinion on how you view them, but I don't honestly agree with yours. I respect that you feel it's a toxic situation and yes, you're right, but that doesn't mean people should give up on someone they care about.

Agree to disagree in this case. I respect Tina Turner's quote about love too, but that doesn't mean she's right either. There's no right or wrong with love. I respect your views, but I can't agree with them either.

Thank you for the support, but I feel there are better ways to deal with it. Thanks anyways.