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How can I tell where we're going or if he even really likes me?

Published on March 4, 2010 by bklyn46

I broke up with my boyfriend in June over a stupid fight and spent the whole summer and first semester back at separate colleges trying to get him to talk to me and mend our relationship. Finally, over winter break, we both came home from school for the month that we had off. At first he was hesitant to talk to me and he would tell me to leave him alone or that he didn't want to hang out.

But eventually, he decided to get together and from there we continued to talk and hang out more regularly. We would go to the movies or to dinner and HE would call them dates! Towards the end of break, he told me that he did still love me, but he just couldn't be with me just then, and he went back to school. I still continued to text him and tried to talk to him regularly and at first he was great. Really nice and telling me he missed me or he loved me and asking me to visit. Sometimes he would even text me first. But now, it's like a complete 180. He doesn't text me or when I text him he's really short with me. I just don't know what to do, or what he's thinking.

Recently, he thought that I was seeing somebody else and he got really angry and defensive. He told me that I was his and he fought with the other guy through facebook messages! So, he can't tell me that I'm his and tell me I'm cute or he misses me or ask me to visit one day and then the next just totally ignore me and not want to speak.

Any advice or ANY idea of what could be going on right now? Anything would be appreciated. Thank you.

-Samantha

ANSWERS

It's normal for couples to break up when going to separate colleges. My guess is that he didn't want to be tied down to you while being away from you but enjoys being with you when you are actually together. Him getting mad about you seeing someone else is probably a reflection of his own feelings because in all likeliness he's seeing other girls at his college. I imagine it's going to fall into a pattern where you'll be dating each other when you're home and date other people when you're away at college. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. I know couples who have done this but ended up marrying after college was over. Not predicting what will happen in your future, but it's important to date other people while in college. If you end up back together then you end up back together. Just be honest and open about things with him. But don't let him try to control you or dampen your college experience. If you want to date other people in college, you have every right to do so. But if you want to commit to an LDR with only him, then make sure he is equally willing to commit to you and you both can work it out together. First figure out which it is that you want and then let him know and find out what it is he wants.

He probably didn't want to be attached to you when you both started school merely because if either of you had met someone or if either of you dated others, he wouldn't want to feel bad still being attached to you or vise versa.

It also maybe because he was testing you....to see if you would stick with him through troubled times, but that also in itself is a big gamble because if you really wasn't feeling him over the breakup then it would dissolve any connection you two may have period, but you chose to hang on to a good thing and now your patience is going to reward you.

But now that you both have taken the love you both have for each other this, I think the signs have shown that he still loves you. He's willing to even fight on facebook so you keep your focus on him whether the guy was trying to date you or not, that much is true.

It takes time. If he really wants to keep the love that's accumulated, he's going to have to SHOW you how much he really loves you, and to stop being childish and too protective of the people you hang out with or talk to...and try to keep his cool when his emotions start to boil over.

And what I mean by show is maybe a text message a day so you don't feel like he forgets you, or maybe he could send a letter or email to you or even talk to you through facebook about anything and everything.

Possibly, after college is over for the both of you, you can get back to being together, or when you both have time to get together. It's a long road for both of you.....the question is...are both of you willing to stay on track?

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