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How can I tell if he wants more than casual sex?

Published on October 15, 2013 by mardav76

I met a guy 6 weeks ago. We have gone out about 5 times. We had sex a month after meeting, we have continued to see each other with regular communication (phone calls (primarily) and some text). He has stated that we are working toward a relationship however, I am not sure if I believe this. I am concerned that sex has messed up my chance of having a real committed relationship with him. How can I tell his intentions without asking him?


Has he done anything to make you feel like you can't trust him? And if not, you have 2 options. You can be straightforward and ask him. Or, you can just wait and see. If you're regularly talking and going out, it seems like things are working towards relationship territory.

You had sex a month after meeting, did you have sex again each time you went out after that? Or did you have sex just that one time and have had dates without sex after that?

If you've have 1 or 2 dates after the sex without any additional sex, and he said during one of those that you're working towards a relationship, he may be holding out to see how he'll have to work in order for you to put out. Or, he may still be getting to know you to see if he can see a monogamous relationship happening between you.

If you're giving him sex now after each date, stop. That's the quickest way to find out if he's just in it for sex.

If it's really bugging you, I would just ask. If he's only interested in sex, nothing you can say will make him stay. He's going to go when he's going to go. So I would get it over with for your own sanity, and better to know now.

If you haven't been having sex during each date, and you continue to see each other, I would give it a few more dates without sex and see where it goes. Maybe ask him what his process is for deciding whether or not to be in a relationship with someone.

Rule of thumb. If you like the guy and seriously want to see if he's interested in a relationship with you, don't put out until after 3 months. It's a faster way of weeding out the creeps who just want to get laid. The boyfriend material will wait it out, trust me.