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How can I stop my previous bad relationship (and marriage) from affecting my new great relationship?

Published on March 5, 2010 by hurtinnd

I am recently divorced and have been in a relationship with my new guy for 6 months. He is the complete opposite of my ex; loving, sweet, attentive, and so many other great qualities. My marriage was short (only two years) but we were together for 9 years. I should have gotten out when I first experienced emotional abuse from him, which only escalated after the first 3 years of dating. I guess I had just decided that I couldn't do any better. Even though there was the abuse I rationalized, that deep down he loved me and that he was my future. Eventually, after finding out for sure that he had been with at least two other women over the course of our relationship, that for me was the last straw. There was no love and now he was unfaithful so I decided there was nothing left. I have had a hard time dealing with the abuse from my past. I have horrible nightmares, I get in "funks" where I just shut out the world, even my new guy. I just don't know how to move forward.

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You should start seeing a therapist if you aren't already. It will definitely help you get over the emotional abuse that you've suffered. Does your current boyfriend know about your past and the issues you have that resulted from it. If not, maybe you could open up to him a little (you don't and shouldn't give him details about everything, just tell him that you were in an emotionally abuse relationship with your ex for years and he cheated on you). Let him know that there's a reason that sometimes you shut down and that you are working on getting through them but you just need him to be patient with you. Over time things will get better. It takes a while but it'll eventually happen and you'll be able to move on with your life.

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