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How can I open up and trust but know that Im trusting the right people?

Published on September 5, 2010 by sar

Sounds crazy, I know but I have this habit of inviting the wrong people in my life .. I've gotten to the point now where Im starting to shut people out of my life : friends and otherwise, I was a little wild when I was younger .. I want to break completely away from that now and meet new people who are rght for me .. but as I've been burnt several times Im finding it hard to open up and trust people .. I find myself looking aroun with no idea anymore of the kind of people I want in my life ... how can I get around this? Im not expecting anyone to have the magic answer .. but even just a pointer in the right direction would be good! My last relationship was with an American Asian guy who I loved with all my heart, we were together in the UK for just under two years, living together for 1 .. he returned to the US .. I went with him to stay for a couple of months and we applied for a fiance visa: however after about a month of being there I guess you could say true colours started to show themselves .. he started to gamble a lot ... he had no regard for my feelings when some members of his family tried to force their culture on me .. then after returning to the UK to await my fiance visa, his brother married someone to keep them in the country back in the US .. I decided that I didnt want to be pulled into it all and so put a halt on things and he then went completely cold on me and swiftly moved on! :( before that i dated friend who had recently experienced a family tragedy ... we were friends to start and as I was there for him as a friend we got closer and ended up seeing each other .. however he was very indecisive and kept ending it with me and going back to his previous girlfriend then ending it with her and we'd end up kind of back together again until I decided to end that one too Before him I dated for a few years .. kept ending up seeing guys on the rebound Before that I was in a serious relationship who was very jealous of my then wild ways (ie lots of friends of both sexes, loved to party, phone always ringing etc) and became very possesive .. he eventually started to get violent towards me at which point I broke it off staright away I trace this all back to when I was a teenager. I grew up with my mum and had a very strained relationship with my father as we would be close when he was alone and needed someone but as soon as he met another woman (broke upo with my mum) I was completely pushed aside (to the point of neglect) I fought hard to live with my mother and stayed with her until I was 16 years old. At this point she had a partner that lived in the next county and wanted to move to be with him and so we all agreed I would move in with my dad. We fell out real bad and he threw me out after a couple of months. I think this must have scarred me really badly as it was a very traumatic experience .. literally threw me out of the front door with nothing but the clothes I was wearing. It affected my confidence really badly! I think Im just about getting over it all now. I 've had counselling and even though my last relationship didnt work out being able to travel and be away from everything and also my own experiences and places I have taken myself to have helped me heal I think I just need a bit of help knowing how to take the next step and know that I can do it .. is there any advice that you could offer? I know this is an extremely long email and I apologise for that! :) Thankyou

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