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How can i make my open relationship work?

Published on May 24, 2014 by emilyjo1028

Hi, i've been w/my bf for 8 months & we've recently started an open relationship. its temporary but he said he'd rather do this now than have a blow out btwn us 6 months down the line. he's 29, i'm 19 & have been single before but he's only been in relationships so he feels the need to be single yet still wants to be w/me. im the #1 priority & he says the most important woman in his life. i just rly need insight on this bc its my first open relationship and im doing it for him not bc i want to

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First things first in my opinion he just want to make sure he has some on stand by and for him at almost 30 he has a teenager still and it a bunch of bull about wanting to be single he just want his cake and eat it to I would say first thing you don't do this for him only do it for yourself and then say fine and if he can have other women you can have other men and I would bet that if you told him you were going on a date with another man he would freak out because this open relationship is only for him. And remember that whom ever he has sex with so do you and are you willing to risk STDs. So I think he is playing on your youthfulness and innocence and that you wont act on your part of the open relationship so test him and tell him you have a date I bet things will change fast.

I think that you should be thinking about what you eventually want from this relationship. If it is something longterm then you might not want to continue with an open relationship. Since there is a considerable age difference you might want to consider dating other people too . He has had a many more relationships at this point than you have had. This is not a good place for you right now. It sounds like he wants to remain "single" for a while so in that case you might want to give him his freedom and go out with other guys as well.

Open relationships only work for a small percentage of people who have that as a core value. If it is not one of your core values it will diminish your self-esteem. As an energy coach, I see open relationships as a diversion of energy that would otherwise be used to deepen intimacy between you and raise the relationship to the next level. Rather than allow the multiple partners to destroy what you have, I would gracefully bow out until he's ready to give it an exclusive shot. Best of luck open-hearted girl.

You need to question what he means by his fear that if you don't have an open relationship you guys would end up having a blow-out in six months; and how could he possibly predict the future? This is how you can try to get at his real motives for asking for an open relationship because what he is telling you makes no sense and is therefore non-sense. The fact that you are willing to do this for him says something about your definition of love and it sounds like you might have sacrifice tied to it somewhere. The problem with sacrifice is that it implies giving up something and we will resent that. If this is not what you want you need to look at whether his belief in open relationships is crossing the line in your life perspective. Not that one belief is better than another, but if this is an important belief for you, sacrificing it to give him what he wants means you will experience internal conflict or stress because your actions are not congruent with your beliefs. You need to find someone that is more compatible with your deep and important foundational beliefs for a relationship to last long-term. The fact that you are experiencing conflict is telling you that love cannot be the same as sacrifice, if it was, you would be experiencing love, not conflict, by giving in to what he wants.

Tango expert: www.healingwitheft.com

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