We understand, and felt similar feelings while planning our own wedding.
Our suggestion is to make a list of what is important to you, and have your fiance do the same. Write them out separately, and then come together to discuss what you each wrote down. Most likely you will find some things will overlap and some won't. Now you have an idea of what is important for each of you and can discuss what you'd like to create together. Once you've done this you have the vision for the event.
Here are a couple books we found helpful in planning a wedding that reflects the two of you and your values:
THE ALTERNATIVE WEDDING BOOK published by Northstone (a community of writers so no author on the book, it may be out of print - look for a used copy online).
THE SMART COUPLE'S GUIDE TO THE WEDDING OF YOUR DREAMS by Judith Sherven & James Sniechowski
Ultimately, once you know what is important to each of you, you can begin to make decisions from that base. It also might be helpful for you to write down things you absolutely do not want. We did not do a bouquet toss and had that on our NO List from the beginning.
While planning the wedding we had printed out our top 5 things we desired (or desired to create) and had that visible in our work stations each day so we could see it and be clear on our vision. We only did things we wanted to do. We did not do anything out of obligation to anyone else.
With each decision align your choice with the vision you created together.
Being in alignment with your fiance and having clear communication is of the utmost importance. Planning a wedding can bring up a lot of tension so remember to speak how you are feeling by taking responsibility for those feelings and BREATHE!
Best of luck,
Orna and Matthew
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