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How can I get my husband to be more affectionate?

Published on May 22, 2009 by jtinpo

My husband and I are very close. We have a 1 year old daughter and have been married for 2 1/2 years. He's never been the "romantic or spontaneous" type but sometimes the sex is boring. We go through spurts of having it every night to going 2 or 3 weeks without any. Sometimes he feels like I pressure him into it. When we're both on the same page, sex is great, although unadventurous. Anyways, he's not very affectionate out of the bedroom. We always kiss hello and good bye but that's it. What can I do to encourage the occasional grope or feel without it being dirty or unfamily friendly? I just want him to pay a little more attention to me sometimes.

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I dont know if I can really relate but I can say maybe not to take it offensively because I myself am not an affectionate person, but my husband is. So I do tend to push him away when he gropes me or simple kisses on the cheek. I've noticed that when he doesn't do this I find myself looking for him and giving him love. I love my husband and I'm sure you love yours and he loves you too it's just some people arent as affectionate as others and we also have a 1 yr old and in the begining just like all relationships it was wild fun sex, but as you get comfortable and know the other person is yours you dont always feel like you have to get as much as you can before it runs out. Knwo what I mean? I hope this helps a little.

Honesty is the ONLY policy between two people, especially married ones. Did you ever stop to think that you, too, may be the boring one? And that your husband may be responding your body language. Afterall, intimacy is all about subtle signs, tactile nuances, facial expressiveness. Or lacks thereof. Afterall, you have not managed to take charge of YOUR needs. Talk to your husband. Express your needs. What do you have to fear? Just don't chastise or complain. If you're discontented now after 2/.5 years, it will only grow if you keep silent. Take initiative. Remember: It takes two to tango!

Talk to him and let him know how important it is to you to get hugs or be told "I love you" during the day/outside of the bedroom. Give him compliments and touch him too. See if he would trade massages.

Is he shy about touching you in front of the baby? Maybe you can make sure you have time together without her around.

Talk to him about why he doesn't want sex. Maybe he's feeling stressed or busy at work. Maybe you can try to help him relax so that he'll be more interested.

As much as you can, avoid pressuring him to have sex. It only backfires and makes the person want it less later.

When you get a chance, ask him what he thinks would be fun to try. If you have any ideas of something you especially want to try, let him know what they are.

My DH and I are very affectionate, but I hate it when he pats me on the head; and he loves when I pat him. There are actions we do that we like but our mate does not, and we have to remember what is a turn off and what is a turn on for the individual. Getting comfortable and complacent is normal in a marriage, and being on the same page or same mood is great even though it might happen less than before marriage. Figure out what these opposites likes and dislikes are, and when he feels pressured for sex, even if that is what you are going for, let him know that sex is not what you are after but bonding is your goal. Back off the sexual signals and replace with affection signals. He might be slow to catch on but subconsciously, when pleasure, comfort, or the warm fuzzies are induced, he will be more likely to give you the affection you crave because his subconscious will desire pleasurable stimulation. Think about it. What do you do subconsciously for him because you know he will respond by giving you what you need? Also, how much and for how long of time is your relationship the same old same ol? Mix it up..... Did this make since?

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