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How can I get my boyfriend to quit smoking?
My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years now, and we've had our up's and down's, but over all we're happy, and love each other. We share many of the same morals, and agree on most things, minus the one that breaks my heart the most: him smoking "substances". I know, I'm probably just being stupid.
But when we first started dating he and I shared the same feelings towards the subject. But within about the last five months I've found out that he’s been smoking with his friends (for how long I have no idea). Originally I was furious because of the basic picture in my head of my boyfriend doing something that I don’t like, and enjoying himself. But after I (non-intentionally) found out, I expressed my feelings, and he apologized and gave his word he would never do it again. A couple of times I’ve had my suspicions, but every time I’ve asked he’s denied it.
Well just a week ago I found out that he’s been lying to me, and still been smoking behind my back. And I flipped out! His argument is that it’s his life, and that it’s not really bad for you. So what's the big deal? And I know… but still! It is to me; and that should matter right? It makes me uncomfortable to think someone I love first of all is doing something that I disagree with very much, and secondly has been lying to my face. I worry about him constantly, about his health, and his future. Maybe I’m worrying too much? But then if this is someone that I plan to be with long term, and eventually it turns into something more, I definitely know it’s not something I want tied into my personal life. I mean, I kind of see where he’s coming from, because everyone else does it, and it’s really nothing now-a-days. But that shouldn’t mean I have to sacrifice my morals right? I’ve already tried talking to him the best I could, but he brushes it off like it’s no big deal.
I even tried telling him it’s over until he stops. But then yesterday I regretted it, and thought I that was too harsh and took it all back, and that I was sorry for getting so mad. Well now we’re back together, and he still hasn’t really said he’d quit for good; and I’m starting to think that staying apart was probably for the best. But I love him so much. Should I really ruin an otherwise happy relationship because of my one dumb feeling? I really wish there was something I could do to get him to give it up, but I know I can’t change him if he doesn’t want to. I’ve decided to forgive and forget, but I haven’t forgotten, and it’s killing me.
P.S. And I’m scared that if he does promise to stop, he’ll just be lying again. There really is no way that I can know for sure. Please help me, what do I do?