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How can I deal w/my boyfriend's overbearing family?

Published on January 30, 2014 by mayapants222

My boyfriend lied about going on a work-related trip this weekend. He was actually visiting his family in San Francisco. I basically had to pry it out of him. He said that he didn't want me to think that he didn't want to spend time with me. Because I don't have a good relationship w/my family, he thought that telling me might make it feel like he was rubbing it in. His mother is so overbearing and I'm starting to get annoyed every time she calls. She calls him EVERYDAY. When she found out that I was 8 years older than him, she flipped. I've never met her, nor do I have any desire to.

Last weekend, his parents unexpectedly visited him from Los Angeles. We both live in San Diego, which is about a 2-hour drive. He wasn't thrilled, but of course he let them stay at his house overnight. I could tell that he was upset/stressed about it. He felt badly since we had made plans to see The Wolf of Wall Street. He asked if I wanted to meet them out of some obligation to be polite, so I passed on the offer. I could tell that he didn't really want me to. He said that it's because he's embarrassed by them. I believe him. I'm his first girlfriend. He said that he hasn't dated much because of how overbearing/critical his mom is of other women. I really feel like he needs to grow a pair and establish some boundaries. He doesn't even like talking her everyday, but doesn't have the guts to establish any boundaries. He always has his phone on when we're together. It seems to stress him out when his family calls. If he were really happy speaking to them, I'd be cool about it, but he seems so annoyed. He even gets migraines. He said that he HAS to do what his parents say because that's how he was raised in Bosnia. He's a 26-year-old man!!

I'm not sure what to do. I told him never to lie to me again. I feel like his family is driving a wedge between us. I usually get along with people's parents, but his mother honestly sounds miserable. She makes horrible comments about his sister's weight. She actually says, "What guy is ever going to date you if you're that fat?" Who says that to their own daughter? Well, mother used to say that to MY sister. She is basically a reminder of the abusive mother I've cut ties with. I guess that's why she gets under my skin so much lol Any advice on how to handle this ordeal? I care about my boyfriend a lot, but I'm concerned about out future together. I don't handle overbearing/critical people very well. I'm starting to feel suffocated and judged. Any advice helps. Thanks. -M