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Give Advice: I'm Too Needy!

Published on March 16, 2012 by nesa

I don't know why but when my relationship becomes a little serious I become too sentimental 'n needy.I make wrong decisions 'n make my bf so angry.I know it's terrible to be clingy 'n needy 'n I do hate it....The feeling of neediness took my bf (who I really adored )away.Now I'm serious to deal with it.plz help I am independent in most aspects of my life but the feeling of neediness was so strong that each time I wanted to say good bye to my bf I almost died.


If you ask yourself truely how you felt about him, what would you honestly say? I'm just saying, you have to give yourself credit too. He may have been wonderful and cute and a bag of chips, but was he perfect? You have to believe in yourself that you can take a day off from whoever you're dating, and you will be fine. Do something you enjoy! Hair, makeup. Baking cookies. Something to boost your self esteem. Apply for new job and see if they hire you. Taking action to make your own life interesting, apart from him, is a step in the right direction. The guys will always be there. If you had the last one chances are, you'll get another one. It's a wonderful trait to want to make someone happy but, you really have to try to make yourself happy. And that sounds like a big order but, you can take baby steps towards this goal. Start out small. Like going for a nice walk to a store you've never been to and buying some trinket or token. Exercise and a prize! Take a bubble bath and listen to some music that YOU like. Good for your mood. Your boyfriend can be entertaining but, he can't provide you with the things that you know you like to do. He doesn't know what they are. Next time, take some time for you. If he wants to hang around with his obnoxious (just kidding, not really), friends, let him go. Absense makes the heart grow fonder too.

There are several things going on here as I see. I you don't feel secure in your relationship with your boyfriend. If you did, you would be okay leaving him. There is a fear, or gremlin that he won't continue to Love You. What do you need to feel more secure? You need to ask for that? When you feel needy, ask yourself, "what is causing this feeling of neediness?" Is there something missing for you? Do you want him to say, 'I love you" and he doesn't. Does he express how important you are to him? What do you need to have that level of comfort you so desire. It sounds like he isnt providing for someting that is a deep need for you. When you figure it out, then you can find out if he is capable of giving that to you, or if he really isn't a good match. My book, may give you some answers (the more complete version is you can download a free chapter there) Also, coaching could serve you to feel more grounded on what you offer to a relationship so you value yourself a bit more highly. Good luck.

Perhaps your neediness comes from putting too much focus on what you think or believe your relationship should be? I would suggest taking stock of yourself, your limits, your desires and not focus so much energy on your boyfriend.

When we focus too much on our partners and what we think is going on in a relationship we lose contact with what we need for ourselves.

In short, if we don't know what we need, or what makes us happy, we can rest assured that our partners won't know either. End result - disaster will ensue because they shouldn't have to guess.

You can alleviate your insecurities by getting to know yourself better. Knowing what you want/don't want and being able to communicate that to your partner is a good way to help eliminate neediness.

Deat Felorima: Thnx for spending time 'n answering! I got ur point 'n I truely believe I need to know more of myself. I used to have a partner beside me 'n this made me far from myself.Actually,I always had to have a boy around in ordet to feel good about myself .I have to stop being with a bf for a while so that I can focus on myfelf.If u don't mind I want to ask u another question: How can I get to know my real self 'n be happy without being in a relationship with a boy?