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How to appeal to a guy's emotional side or get him to open up?

Published on June 16, 2009 by deedee

This guy who I am getting to know for two and a half months doesn't say much about himself, but he asks alot of questions about me. I says that he likes me very very much, he also likes talking with me, hearing my voice, reading my text messages and voice mails. He says that he also enjoys our time together chatting online, and that I am special to him. He contacts me everyday at some point and gets alittle upset when i dont respond, yet he says that we are good friends and th he wants to take things slowly. I can respect that. We each inquire about each other's day, family, work etc and give encouraging words. He even refers to me as 'my darling, hon, baby, beautiful, prettygirl, mamasita, coco plum, sweetie and so on; he sometimes ends our conversation with 'smooches' We get along, but I feel as if he is holding back on important things about our 'relationship', about himself, or about key things he should ask me about myself. I also feel that he wants to tell me things or open up to me, but don't know how to begin. I hear this is little pauses at times when we speak. I dont know what to do? Is he for real? Is he truly interested in me? Wha am I doing wrong?


You might be doing nothing wrong at all, at least it doesn't sound like it. Guys aren't notorious for sharing emotional stuff in the first place (although its not just guys that have that problem) and he may have been hurt a number of times before you and is afraid to open up for fear of being hurt again, hence his desire to take it slow. That he makes contact with you quite often is a good thing.

The only other thing you can do is kinda lead by example and let him know that he can be safe telling you anything. Also, you can help to dictate the speed of this relationship as well. This is a good time for you to get comfortable with the idea of letting him know what you would like for the two of you as well, and that part of that is getting to know him more thoroughly. He may have some pretty hefty skeletons in his closet, stuff that may really surprise you, and that could also be the cause of his reticence. Because of that he may not be asking you more personal questions about yourself because he is trying to respect your privacy. It takes time for some people to really open up. Don't judge if he likes you or not by that. Judge it instead by what he does.

Also, keep in mind that 2 and a half months is not really that long a time. Some partners can take years before divulging more of their past...and for them it really is the past, something that they have put behind them and is not really part of the present. That doesn't mean it makes it easier to spill the beans on it though.

First off, you have to quit thinking it has anything to do with you. There are a lot of logical reasons he's keeping mum (painful divorce, widower). And a lot of scary reasons (still married, serial killer). But let's go with occam's razor here for a second: the simplest answer is the right one. You said it is early in the relationship. About two and a half months? And he is still mum? I'd let him know that you want to get to know him too and would love for him to open up about who he is. If he still remains tight-lipped, then I'd let him know that you like him but you can't see it going any further without him sharing too.

But always, always, go with your gut. If you smell something amiss here, go with that. Our instincts are usually spot on. He may talk a good game but if he's hiding something the truth will out. Go with your gut.

please dont take this negative, but dont be so uptight about prying. Women usually have this "I need to know" compulsion, not all women but many when they think they have shared and men dont respond with the goodies that they feel is sufficient to think they know us. If i were in his shoes i would think that your only being forthcoming as a ploy to provoke sharing and your not being sincere. when you stop tryin to be in control and allow him to use his timing and stop underestimating his intelligence he will spill the beans for you. Women do this alot and we men sit back and allow you to exhaust yourself then under duress tell you half of what you want to hear. if you want to be tactful and not so forceful which might seem nosey. You can play a game which works well with us because we are kinda dreamers. ask non personal questions that will be reflective instead of prying or sharing to get too personal. i want to feel as though i can pin point whens the perfect moment to say for example i stole a car , shot my grandma by acident and killed the neighbors dog (joke) For example: ask where would he like to vacation, if he could be any star who would it be and why? if he could kiss any singer who would it be, and why. Ask it in an non combative way and he will share. Asking or pryin is not an objective to gettin anyone to share. he'sonto your womanly shenanigans so go thru the back door of his pysche. talk mtv, sports keep it on the surface until he feels your worth or trusing to know this. at this point you might seem like a snoop which makes you less deserving , no disrespect

After you get past the basic stuff like, do you have any brothers/sisters, where'd you grow up, etc... Some of the questions that I like to ask that kinda gives you an idea if you have similar interests is 'What's your favorite movie'? After being together for a while I've asked,'tell me something i don't know about you'. I get some very interesting answers. Don't ask yes or no questions. Key is try not to pry, they're not personal questions, but it gives you some insight as to what they are like. He'll open up when and if he's ready. Listen to Lyz tho - go with your gut! He may be married or hiding something. keep your guard up but your mind open, he could be a great guy!

There are several reasons this relationship could be going slow... as some of the other responses say - it could be that he's guarded and slow to open up.

My first guess is that he is doing this same thing with multiple women and seeing where this will go. I'm curious to know if you have been going out at all or if you've gotten intimate with him. Is he just taking it slow or is he a player feeding his ego with attention and false intimacy with several women. This is very common and I think it's okay as long as he is not in a committed relationship but it can seem like something special to some girls and that's really not fair because he is leading you on.

I hope very much this is not the case and he is the genuine guy that you see.