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House but no Ring???

Published on June 6, 2012 by redsky

My boyfriend and I, lets call him Prince Charming, have been together for 14months. We have lives together since November, so 8 months. Things have been going very well and we love each other very much. Both of us want to spend our lives together and are making plans to by a house once we can both save up enough money. So everything in that regards is good. We talk about and make plans for the future and neither of us wants to be with anyone else. A secure, loving and commited relationship.

Of late, Prince Charming has taken a new job that will have him out of town on and off all summer. One of the places he is working isnt far from where we live. So this weekend when Im off work I was going to visit him. Of course, we arent too sure how his company would take that so if I get "discovered" Prince Charming asked me to pretend to be his fiancee. First of all I dont know what that would save him from getting in trouble. And second that makes me sad and angry. Prince Charming knows that I want to get married, he knows  I would say yes if he proposed to me. I dont want to actually marry him for a few years, after we get the house, but I would still like the ring and level of commitment. However he has told me that I wont be getting a ring for a long time, and that is a direct quote.

So what I want to know is why on earth would Prince Charming want to pretend to be engaged if he has no interest in actually being engaged? And why does he want to buy a house and a cat with me but doesnt want to marry me??

I think its kind of unfair to ask me something like that; inconsiderate of my feelings and hopes. First to tell me that it wont happen and then ask me to pretend.

Basically I just need some advice on how to handle this. I dont want to pretend to be engaged and I want to know why its ok to be engaged when its convient but not in real life??? Any insight, advice and guy's thoughts would be really appreicated . Thanks .

ANSWERS

Prince Charming (PC) wants everything his way. That's why he's doing what he's doing. • He doesn't want to marry you, but he wants your financial help in buying a house. • He doesn't want to be permanent with you, but he wants to give others the impression of being a good man even if he's using you.

How do you handle it?

I would read some books on how [HTML_REMOVED]not to be hurt[HTML_REMOVED] in a relationship, and how to get married.

Marriage used to be the norm in America. But in the past 30 years, the marriage rate has dropped 30%. That means 3 in 10 guys are not the "marrying" type and will never marry no matter how cute and loyal you are.

So if you want marriage, you have to be a bit more strategic.

(And yes, marriage is worth it. Statistics show on average that marriage is associated with a better life. Cohabiting is correlated with a lot of nasty stuff, including poverty, verbal abuse, physical abuse, multiple sex partners, and child abuse.)

It's time for openness and more honesty between the two of you. This can help you understand his resistance to proposing to you. If he'll tell you why there won't be a ring anytime soon, really listen to what he says. Use phrases like, "Please help me to understand..." if you don't.

The point here is not to convince him, it's to understand. If he is somehow opposed to marriage, this is information you need to know to make decisions about your future. Getting the truth from him will also help you not make up stories about what he "really" means.

You also need to be honest with him. Without making him wrong, tell him how important marriage is to you. Tell him that you aren't willing to pretend to be engaged and why. You can also be honest with him if you are concerned about buying a house together without the kind of commitment you want.

This is probably not going to be a comfortable conversation, but the more understanding you both have, the easier it will be to find a solution.

Besides the other advice, mine is to not buy a house with your boyfriend. Even if you have confidence the relationship will last forever, there are not guarantees. I know at least 2 couples who bought a house together with disastrous results. In one instance, the man cheated on her within 8 months of buying the house, then they had to sell it and go there separate ways. The other couple lasted two year, and she found out he was e-mailing exes flirtatioius messages on facebook, and he was quite selfish besides, and she wasn't his priority. It's a lot easier to go your separate ways if things don't work out.

If I were you, and marriage is important to you in the next 2 or 3 years if you are still with him, I would tell him that's your wish. If he can't commit to that, he doesn't have the same life goals as you, and you need to admit you're imcompatible with him and move on. That's the point of dating. To figure those things out so you can make an informed decision. Unfortunately a cute guy with a good personality isn't enough to make for a happy life. You need to be on the same page about important issues. Good luck.

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