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Hooked on a Narcissist

Published on November 18, 2012 by gretchi54

I have been married for 25 years to a man who might be a Narcissist. He meets most of the criteria outlined in the DSM-IV-TR. I have read that having to leave someone who is a narcissist is a big challenge. After living in my husbands world for so long, I find that I have become insecure and have very little emotional feelings left. I, however sick this may be, still feel and believe I am in love with this man. He recently left me and remarried before he filed for a divorce. He, in the recent weeks has been coming back around and has told me he made a huge mistake by leaving me. The time after he left, I spent thinking about him and mourning his loss. i just want him to come home. Our relationship was in pieces before he left as he has cheated too many times to count. I got to the point where I just excepted the infidelities, with the rational that he always came back to me. He has a well known name in a sport and has a constant flow of admiration. Over the years, he has either insisted I give up certain people in my life or people have walked away, frusturated by my allowing him to treat me so badly. What is wrong with me that I am unable to believe he is a bad man. I am a compassionate, nonjudgmental woman who is attracked to people who have suffered abuse. (my husband came from a very abusive home) If I knew that he truely is a narcissist I believe I could walk away without looking back but I have doubt and after giving the majority of my adult life to this relationship, I don't want to leave if there is hope for him. I can't imagine a human being becoming a narcissist vouluntarily and from everything that I have read it isn't genetic. A person or persons creates a narcissist, is this not true? And all the information I have has stated there is no cure, so do we just leave these people, who have a disorder, caused by some abussive or sick individual? I need direction, please,


Yep, women do leave narcissists, and their lives become so much better!

Right now you are so isolated and beaten down, I don't think you can leave him. I would contact someone in your area who is a specialist in emotional abuse (even though he's not hitting you, he is treating you disrespectfully). Start reading books on the topic. Go find a support group and start attending weekly. If you cannot find a support group for abused women, then go to Al-Anon. You need to develop some friends so that you'll have the strength to let go and move on.

Create a 90-day plan. Stash away some money, make a list of all of the bank and investment accounts, know where all of the credit cards are and what balances each has. Start calling the credit card companies and ask what programs they have for abused wives. Do the same with the cell phone company. They don't advertise this, but they have fantastic plans. Ask people for referrals for the best attorney in the area. If your husband is somewhat famous, you're going to need someone really competent.

Set up a private mail box for your mail. Tell two close friends what's happening. Even if your husband has driven away your friends, I'm sure they would be happy to help you.

Your husband's problems existed long before you ever arrived in his life. He's got a lot of hurt and pain. And there is nothing you can do to fix that. Trying harder doesn't work. He's been told he's a mess and he refuses to do anything about it.

Time to start your exit strategy. I have two friends who've left husbands like this. They say they feel young and energetic and creative again, just as they did before they married him.

A good future awaits.