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Hi my girlfriend is travelling overseas without me I'm really not okay with it.

Published on July 9, 2010 by luke_young88

My girlfriend for about 3 and a half years left on a 7 week trip through Europe, I really trust her and I know she wont cheat on me. But she's been pretty sparce with messaging/emailing/phoning me. We talked heaps when she was in Australia with me and its such a jump to go to hardly talking.

Whenever we do talk i'm really annoyed because she hasn't contacted me and she's annoyed because i'm not happy that she's off seeing the rest of the world without me.

I couldn't go because I lost my job prior to the trip and she ended up going with her sister.

ANSWERS

You need to let it go. Expressing frustration and trying to hold on to her is only going to push her away. Just let her have her fun. If you trust her then you have no need to worry. It's understandable that you are alone and frustrated without a job but if you keep pushing her to contact you more and more you are going to lose her. Let her have her space and her time. Be excited for her. Don't whine and tell her how lonely you are. Support her and encourage her and use the free time to find a new job.

For God's sake, it's only seven weeks. She needs some SPACE, and you're lucky she's texting or phoning you at all. When I went on a month-long trip to the U.K., I probably called home two times at the most. Let her enjoy the sights and spend some quality time with her sister. If you trust that she won't cheat, then what else do you really have to worry about?

I agree with Lyz. Stop whining and get over it. I can't imagine how suffocating you must be when the two of you are together on a regular basis. And also, consider how selfish your attitude is. You don't want her to see the rest of the world without you? She can't enjoy herself without you constantly having her on a lead? Idiot.

While there is nothing wrong with your girlfriend going away in vacation by herself, I do not find it normal that she does not keep in touch more often than she seems to do. When you are away from the one you love, you cannot help thinking of him, even if you have fun.

There is a French saying that goes about like this : "Far away from the eyes, far away from the heart.

The situation is somewhat worrying. To tell you the truth, if you were my boyfriend, either I would have decided to stay with you or I would have helped you with the money so that we could have travelled together.

If she feels that she is suffocating when she is close to you and need space, she would better look for someone else and that would be a good thing for you too.

Of course, I understand that it is so much more enjoyable to go on vacation without your boyfriend than not going at all on a trip. We could push this to the extreme. Why not simply share only the good moments ? Your boyfriend is unhappy, somewhat depressive, let's leave him alone. After all, it is not fun to be around people who are not happy. He has lost his job ? Let's stop the relationship till he is independant again and able to buy you lunch. He puts on weight ? Oh, but you are only interested in very slim people. He loses a leg in a car accident ? Let's dump him. It is so depressing to be around handicapped people. He is old, he has got alzeihmer, let's divorce him, he will not even notice.

This exactly why there are so many divorces. People do not want to make an effort to make a relationship working.

What does your girlfriend bring to you ? Does she really love you or is she in love with the concept of love ? Is she kind ? supportive ? Or does she have narcistic tendancies like many of our contemporaries ? If you want to know what love is read the classics.

Loving someone means that the needs of the loved one are more important to you than your needs. This pattern must exists in both partners. Pleasing your companion should not be a chore. I do not see this with your girlfriend.

It might be time to reevaluate the relationship or at least to keep your eyes opened. Do not rush things. Take your time.

Sorry not to be very optimistic.

I wish you the very best, with her if possible, or with another one.

Pervenche

Just take a breather. If you trust her, you shouldn't be so worried. Take this time as your own sort of vacation for a while. Time apart can be good for a relationship. You can spend time alone, get back into your own groove. If she's not talking to you much, well, it's understandable. She's off seeing the world and is probably awfully busy. Most of all, do not chastise her when she does speak to you. It's clearly because she misses you or is worried about you and Lyz is right, you are only pushing her away by being careless with her feelings.

Stop worrying about what she is doing. You'll have more chances to be together and do things and even travel again when she gets back.

You are going to kill your relationship if you keep it up. It is not your girlfriends fault that you lost your job and could not go. If you girlfriend is seeing the world with her sister, she is bonding with sister and not cheating on you. You should be concentrating on getting a job while girlfriend is gone.

Blessings on you and yours John Wilder .marriagecoach1@yahoo.com

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