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He's destroyed the one major thing we share together. How do i rebuild the relationship?

Published on August 2, 2010 by funkydiva

I am a salsa instructor. I recently started dating another (beginner) salsa dancer. I gave up moving to the States for my MBA to give the relationship a shot. We spend a lot of time at salsa clubs.

Recently we've been arguing a lot because we're practising for a performance and he's really stressed about it. I find that he doesn't listen to me when i try to advise him, i guess he thinks i'm bossy, but i am an instructor so i don't see why he just won't listen. (i do try to speak nicely too!) He is a natural talent and works really hard.

Over the weekend, he got jealous that i look like i enjoy dancing with other (more experienced) guys more than i do with him, which is partly true. I love dancing with him too because he's my boyfriend, but he says I make him feel bad, like a charity case. He also told me that he prefers dancing with other girls to dancing with me. apparently i make him feel inadequate. And THAT really hurt. I find myself overcome with jealousy everytime he dances with other women. Even when he talks about other female dancers. To make matters worse, he goes out dancing more than I do, so when I'm not there i'm still going crazy with jealousy! Which is ridiculous, i know, since it's JUST dancing.

I just feel like the trust is not there anymore, because he meant what he said about prefering other women, and now i'm just hurt.

We are now on a break (my idea), but still rehearsing together. After we dance, he just ignores me, even when I give him feedback. He doesn't even make eye contact.

I want to give it another try because i've given up so much already, but I am not sure how to approach this, as he seems to be mad at me even though I'm the one who should be mad since he's the one who wrecked salsa for me!

I texted him to say i wanted to talk when he was ready, but i'm not too sure what i should say at this point... Advice / points of view would be great.

ANSWERS

Is the MBA opportunity in the states still a possibility? If so, that's what I recommend you do. Get your MBA. Maximize your earning potential.

The reason I'm suggesting you go to the states and get the MBA is that you stayed to give this man a chance. It hasn't really worked out, you gave it a try, he doesn't seem to really be the one for you. Now you know. There's no reason to be worrying about his hang ups, emotions or insecurities.

Now is the time to forcus on YOU!

Get that MBA, it will be with you forever. Men will come and go. Your education is yours, regardless of who is in your life.

Your education is your future, this man - is not.

You have a bigger issue than dancing. It sounds like you two have deep-seated trust issues.His needing to bring up other women to you is meant to intentionally hurt you. It's game playing. It's sophmoric and points out an unhealthy trait in your partner. If you feel jealous about him going out without you, then you don't trust him. No relationship will las without trust. Dont' stay simply because you have already invested time. If you stay, you're only wasting more. Make bettering your life your prority. Go out and fulfill your dreams. If you still feel the need to give it another shot: talk to him pronto about how you feel and what you want. Ask him what he wants out of this relationship. If you find yourselves at odds, move on, it wasn't meant to be. Good Luck!

poor you,it looks like you and your bf dont realy trust each other,even though he did what he did that does not mean that he does not love you ,first you have to understand that he is you bf and he is also your dancing partner so do not mix the two,what is happening on the other side must not affect the other side, we call that balance,the key to any succesfull relationship is communication ,sit down with him and tell him how you feel ,remind him of the sacrifices you have made triying to save your relationship,he will open up to you too and both of you will find the core solution to your problems.stoping the relationship wil not help,but finding the solution will make the relationship grow stronger 4rm lorraine

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