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Help with relationship

Published on May 5, 2010 by kokopanda

Dear Lucia, it'd be really great if you can give me relationship advice. I am 33 years old, divorced for 5 years, I have a kid thats 9, successful, pretty. He is 29, single, successful, good-looking. We met online, and are now good friends. We are in Malaysia.

I am a muslim (that also means no sex before marriage). He is caucasian, christian. He does not smoke, does not drink. Very disciplined type.

We have been meeting for a year exactly. Usually 2-3 times a month. We usually play some racquet sports and have dinner. He tells me almost everything, esp work.

Earlier when we met, last year in May, about 3-4 weeks in, he introduced me to his mom because she came to visit Malaysia. A week later he said that he liked me so much but he didn't see a future for us (because we are different religions I guess), so I avoided him, but then he kept insisting we meet up again.

Last December, he asked me to come for a holiday during x-mas and stay with him and his parents for a few days, and since I've never been to Germany before, I went because --hey it was a free ride and tour. I took my son along and we had such a great time. Before we went to Germany, he came by my house and met my parents.

Now we have fallen back into our old routine.... play sports and meet for dinner. I really like him. He is politely spoken, generous and kind and considerate. I know, he is shy. I am Aries -- so brash and loud, and he is virgo, serious and quiet. He does flirt a little, sometimes, before coming to see me, he'd say, get ready, the romantic italian is comingc(half italian)... but then I'd just laugh because he's not really a romantic person, I mean he buys me chocolates all the time and bakes me muffins and cakes but thats it. No I love you's, no i miss you''s, nothing verbal.

I know he see's other girls, he tells me when he does. But he also said they are just friends. I don't know why he says this, saying as we are also just friends. I do notice that he considers my feelings when he talks. Maybe because when I am pissed, I pull away, become silent and avoid him like the plague. He'd have to wait for about a month then to see me again. But when we meet again, the old subject never comes up and its just a lot of fun.

Anyway, Lucia, I would like your help to move this relationship fwd. Some form of commitment. I don't know why but I always feel very secure and safe with this man. And I trust him a lot. We have never slept together, no holding hands, except when mine are cold, and he always pays for dinner unless I offer to. He also drives an hour nearly every week to see me.

I know that you may say that he's not right, but I want to do something that will make him appreciate me and tell me he wants to be with me and only me.

If your advice works, I'd be really grateful. Thank you.