YOUR VOTE

0 0

2 ANSWERS

HELP - Newly Weds about to get Marriage Annulled after 8 weeks

Published on September 5, 2012 by teardrops54

I need help.

When my husband was just my boyfriend of 1 yr I found emails to girls from Craigslist, my heart was broken but felt better after I found out the girls he been writing to were computerised , but he said some really hurtful things like I was bad in bed, I decided to stay and work it out but also self reflected on me and what I needed to do like maybe talk to him nicer cause I really was taking my stress out of him....
Fast forward still trust issues:
I find a number in MY car and when I asked he said some guy from work, but he forgot his name...... didnt think much of it but noticed he was nervouse when I said well let me call it, I said I would pretend to have the wrong number so I could find out the guys  name for him. His reaction led me to know it was a girl....

I headed to class , number in phone and called . A girl answered and my heart exploded and sank at the same time- the girl assured me they were just 'friends" for three months and I never knew, she said she had a boyfriend and my boyfriend sold em Pot- whole other story- but he didnt want me to know about her because he met her at Bikini Barristas which is a coffee shop/ strip club -drive through.....

I sobbed and sobbed asking why he needed to go there to see naked girls -PRE Email days I was the cool girlfriend who would of gone to strip clubs but not after trust issues... and I never did go but I would have... anyway 

I asked if he like her, if she was pretty , if anything happend between them bla bla bla all night long , ended it with ' Dont go there anymore' ......Next day I doa drive by after he left for work to find his car there" I FELT LIKE I COULD OF ATE HIS HEART FROM HIS BLOODY CHEAST"  I was sooooo mad

But to top it off  because it was December his windows were frosted I could see she drew a heart on his window.... the only that stoped me was that my boyfriend said" calm down thats her boyfriend right there and he saw she drew the heart just to draw on my windows......" I did see her boy friend sitting right there but still I said dont go there..... He said it was to appolagize for ever taking her number...............



Fast forward I tried to forgive and thought we were happy again untill

The morning before Our Wedding I jsaw him on the computer as we were getting all our guest up and ready , I went to check the history just on a hunch and there it was the Web site to the Bikini Barista....... I told him I couldnt marry him but all our friends convinced me to saying that he felt Nervous how does feeling nervouse make it okay to look for that girl ................

Unless Something DID happended between them............But she swares up and down -back and forth nothing happend 


fast forward 6weeks in to our marriage it came up some how and I thought I could forgive but he said " if it would have progressed between them he would of broke it off with me ------ but it didnt progress because I found out so how long would he have kept up his friend ship with her....  I am litterly living on WHAT IF - What if I never found out , What if he did sleep with her- What if her boyfriend doesnt know-What if he only married me because he didnt have a chance with her- What if he was looking for her cause he has feelings for her............


So today : he is sobbing and begging and saying it was a mistake and he is so happy to married and he doesnt want to lose me- I honestly believe I am a victem of  An Emotional Affair and that I could be wrong but how do I know ????

There could be other girls too 


I love him so much and I said for better or for worse but I have One foot out the door and no Mom to turn to for advice so what do I do??? Mind you his father - male ro model is a compulsive cheater as well,


Sorry about the spelling I wrote this fast and with tears~
 

ANSWERS

It sounds like you two do have some serious trust issues. What is most important are these things.... 1) Is he willing to make a conscious effort to prove to you he is trustable? This might mean being completely transparent. 2) Are you willing to come up with some clear and specific agreements that you'd like him to make with you that will help rebuild trust. (about topics like him vising the coffee shop/strip club, for example) 3) Are you willing to give him a second chance? This is possibly the most important question. Be present and watch what he is doing now-- if you see changes and improvements, build from there. 4) Are you willing to address your own habits that might be driving him away? (you mentioned one).

When there has been repeated lying and possibly cheating make sure you are getting facts and making a decision that is best for you from that.

Best Wishes, Susie and Otto

Thank you so much for your help,the thing is he is not this scummy dirt bad , although I don't condone his pot thing - he is kind, and affectionate and sometimes just really lost. I see it in his face he is upset and I can see that he didn't think it was wrong , its a public coffee shop where tons of husbands drive through right next to Walmart, however he took a number and he knows that was wrong even though it was some girl just trying to score some pot, mind you we are still in our late 20's and part of the music scene so its not absurd for people to look for pot but I don't smoke or participate and we said when we start a family No Drugs -, the Emails was him being a stupid boy ( in his eyes not mine ) He is tired of me hurting him with words, that's something I pray for guidance about , we have been talking and we are going to counselling, not that I feel we are past repair because he is full of regret for hurting me but to get to the root of our trust issues. It makes it harder to deal with this because these actions are out of character for him, he wont go a day with doing a favor for his mother and did not hesitate to offer our home to his grandmother who lives with us. He gives me the world at my feet and I admit I take advantage of him at times ,and I see why I could be pushing him to do stupid things. Its weird because I cant trust him but I do trust that he never had sex with anyone. My husband having a crush and talking to this girl even if she had a boyfriend - hurts just as much as if he did have sex with her. So what does this say about my trust>>>>> Is it really destroyed. Can I say I don't trust him about some things and yet feel in my gut that I can trust him about other things such as psychical cheating ???? This is where I am confused. We don't normally yell or fight its just a lot of me snapping at him because I was raised with verbal abuse and I am trying to fix myself in that area .... I pray but I need to know how can we move on from here, How do we get out of this point and how can I stop all the mind lies I tell myself. my Imagination is just horrible and my thoughts is what is keeping me from forgiveness >>>>>>>>>>>>

ANSWER THIS QUESTION