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help I think my husband is bi sexual

Published on May 21, 2009 by debymoore

I have been married for 37 years and recently I found out he has been visiting numerous porn sites and I intercepted several saying that he is bi-sexual. When I confronted him he said he was just playing around on internet for fun. Why would a straight man even get on the internet and pretend to be bi? All during our marriage sex has been the only thing we have ever fought about. I was not getting enough sex. All during our dating we had sex for two times a night for two years then the day we got married everything changed. I was lucky maybe twice a month. He had an male employee move into my office on our farm and I protested for two years. I moved out and my husband let this guy stay. I felt betrayed in every way. I am a very attractive female and I take care of myself. I told my husband to get this situation over with once and for all that I would like him to take a lie detector. He has also accused me of being unfaithful I told him I would take one to resolve that question but he refuses to take one I just want him to tell me the truth so I can get on with my life. There is a lot of money at stake. I kept all the emails and put them in a safe place all he keeps telling me to do is destroy the documents. He denies furiously that he his bisexual. What would you do in my position? I love this man but I feel he is lying. I have found out also that he has lied about 4 other very important matters which makes me think he is lying about his sexuality. I just want to be with a man that just wants me not me and other man. Please help me..........

ANSWERS

If he is bisexual there is nothing he can do to change that but it may be giving him anxiety because of social mores which would account for lying (or denial). Have you considered that your relationship could still work if he were openly bi? I have seen it work. Sexual health issues need addressing carefully. Some couples agree that their sexual needs are different and each chose other outlets while keeping the marriage together. Your question implies it is an all-or-nothing choice for you so I just want to flag up that there are other options. If you discovered that he is either passively or actively bi, could you accept that and find a practical way of staying together or would you have to separate? Clearly you are not able to accept the uncertainty now.

I don't think the issue is him being bi, I think the issue is him lying. He is clearly being dishonest about a lot of things. And you need to stop thinking it has anything to do with you. You need to get the two of you in to see a professional and sort out some of these issues. Sounds like when he is accusing you of being unfaithful he is deflecting. Forget the lie detector, go to a professional.

The issue is he's lying about SOMETHING, whether it be sexuality, or an affair, or whatever it is he's hiding from you. I agree with Lyz, forget the detector! Could it be he's "bored" with things & he's going online "posing" as someone who's bi?! Maybe a marriage counselor is the route to go if you cannot work things out on your own. I DO applaud that you both have been in this together for 37 years! That's NOTHING to sneeze at! That alone should be a good enough reason to work this out between you! Love is not without it's pitfalls, but SOMETHING has worked?! Or is it just a matter of conveince for you!? I would focus on the positives & work through them! Then I would focus on rebuilding what brought you both together & be stronger coming outta this! I hope you get the answers & outcome that you both can live with!

It sounds like you have a lot of issues to work out - you want more sex, he's lied to you in the past, and neither of you trusts the other. I think you need to get counseling and start working some of these things out. If you are thinking of getting a divorce and are worried about money, you may want to talk to a lawyer.

Your husband may or may not be bisexual. I believe that a bisexual person can be faithful to just one person, so I don't think that should necessarily mean you can't be together. You need to find out if he is faithful and if not, are you safe from disease.

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