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Published on January 26, 2014 by iwanttowantmyhusband

I need help! I love my husband and were about to have our 3rd child together we have been married 2 years and just before we got married I found God. I am stuggling not because my husband does try but im just not as turned on by him as I feel I should be. I feel extremely guilty because I sometimes prefer to watch porn then wait to for him to come home to have sex. He always flirts with me which I should be thankful for but that is pretty much all I seem to get is childish horny flirting. What I really want is to be romanced. but he doesn't have a romantic bone in his body, he says he want s to be more romantic but he shows no effort of it. again I do lve him dearly and want to only want him but I get caught up in the kinkiness of porn and the fact I can get to it so easily. I even tried to block myself from searching it... but failed Please HELP ANY advise will be appreciated


My ex bf was like that, and I agreeits quite ireatating. Get him to be romantic by first off doing the things that turn him on most (nea kissing &touching and teasing the body works nice with romance) than tell much you love him and tell him to moan your namr or moan his moaning really helps!

Hi! My name is Antoinette, and I am a YourTango Expert. What I would suggest is for you to initiate the romance at first so that he gets the hint. Start a date night. Make a romantic dinner for him, tease him, and let him know that you are dessert. :) After the night, thank him for being awesome and wonderful. After you say something positive to him, say "Hey honey. Can we do this again? I would love for us to both put effort into our romantic life. Thanks again for being so wonderful." Let me know how it goes. Here's my profile if you have any other questions. I primarily work with men, but do have women clients who still come to me. Good luck! Antoinette

Hi! This is Sheva and I am a Your Tango Expert- Honestly, it sounds to me like you're tired! Are you? You've been married two years and you have two kids. Not sure when you had your kids and how old they are, but that is a lot of life happening in your house! It is very common in a new marriage with young kids for the sex life to become all talk and no play. Because everybody is so tired and busy! Porn is a passive way to light up your sexuality, rather than direct engagement, which is active and takes a lot more energy. It is not uncommon for people to turn to porn when their energy is drained - just like watching people play soccer on TV takes less energy than getting into the game yourself. The problem is that then the self judgment people have about their porn addictions, and the energy it pulls away from their primary relationship, tend to drain people even more and then you are in a negative feedback loop that is hard to break. Have compassion for yourself! It sounds to me like the most important thing you can do is learn how to recharge your own batteries, and then role model for your husband what it means to be romantic. Being romantic a learnable skill- not a trait people have or don't have. Do for him what you want him to do for you, and he'll catch on quick! But to do that, you need energy, so learn to recharge your batteries first! To turn a light on, the battery needs to be charged! For some free coaching, go here:

As the saying goes "Be the change you want to see in the world." The same concept applies in all aspects of life. Ask can I expect my husband to be sweet and romantic when I'm not putting forth the effort myself? You said that he flirts, but it feels like childish, horny flirting....maybe you're setting the tone for this by indulging in porn rather than engaging him.

We all play a role in any given circumstance, its just a matter of admitting and recognizing what that role is. Ultimately, we teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves and by being complacent when we are unhappy.

My question for you would be what are you doing to create an environment of romance and a deeper more intimate connection? You don't say, but is your husband also a Christian? Have you ever asked him how he feels about your porn habit? From a spiritual place, have you read Song of Solomon? It's not porn, but it is a part of the Bible that celebrates sex and intimacy.