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he wants to try to work it out with his wife

Published on October 6, 2009 by rockstar

so Im seperated frommy husband of ten years,he left.I have filed for a divorce.I have met an amazing guy who is everything I want.his wife wants a seperation and he has left.we went out on a few dates and totally hit it off.He seemed over his wife, told me I was smart,independent,beautiful everything he wanted.so the problem, he says now he needs time to think,he has only been seperated 41/2 months and wants to make sure he tried everything to fix his marriage since they have two kids together.Hi sfriends say he is totally confused he likes me but need to try with his wife,They get along some days but not others and I dont know what to do.I think we met each other for a reason,I get a feeling when I see him I have never had before.we go a few days without talking but one of us cant take it and calls the other.I asked if he wanted me to stop calling and he said it was up to me, I saw him the other night after not really talking for a week, and he kisses me, a very meaning full kiss that I cant forget.I kissed him because I said this might be our last, I didnt give him a chance to respond and have not talked to him since.What do I do,I have not called him in two days,and it is driving me crazy!! If Im everything he wants and I want him what is the deal??Im sooo confused,I know I need to give him space,right??I know this sounds terrible but I hope his wife doesnt want him back,I want him and I want and know how to treat him,all she does is fight with him. I know they bhave two kids, I do too, but it is just a total excuse isnt it?help Im falling in love with him and dont want to let go,I feel like I will regret it and we were ment to be.

ANSWERS

Let the guy be. No matter how it's twisted the bottom line is this. Anyone who is seperated and not fully divorced, in still in fact married! He has no reason to be cheating on his wife and you have no business getting involved with him.

Find yourself a truly single person and date them. He feels some guilt because deep down he knows what he is doing is wrong.

OK... I almost didn't read all of your post... because ...... honestly........ you two jumped in too soon to think you could make it....


Have you veer hear of the "rebound" relationship?


Now... don't make me waste my effort here..... BOTH OF YOU.... OK?

LISTEN.........

The ONLY reason the two of you are struggling is because of past experiences and open wounds...... which NEITHER of you are responsible for...... which is the problem with rebound relationships!

what you are struggling with is not new! It just makes me want to hit myself in the forehead with my palm...

BUT....... I am going to trust that you will take me seriously so that I might (you might) cut about 6 months or more of unnessesary grief from your ignorant difficulties.... "ignorant" meaning... not knowing... it's nothing personal... OK?

Now... listen... and I MEAN LISTEN.... because you will not get another chance!

LOOK... both of you have been hurt. Now that you are ina new relationship before having time to heal... HERE YOU ARE!!! Well, the matter of the fact is.... Time heals all wounds ...... because humans forget!!! Given enough time... we forget!

OK. So..... now that you and him have "jumped time" and have gotten into a rebound relationship.... it's time to "forget."

How?

JUST STOP. And I mean... STOP.

Not ONE of you is responsible for how the other feels for what happened in past relationships.

Here's an example... and this is a real example:

My sister was married for 12 years. her husband had an affair on her. She divorced him, of course.

Within one year she meets a man who was married for 26 years who happens to be a psychologist. (I am not a psychologist... but I am wise).

Her boyfireind and her got into a disagreement. He finally told her... "I have put up with this shit for the last 26 years and I am not going to put up with it anymore."

Well, the FACT is that my sister was dating this man for only 6 months. SO... whatever his difficulty was with MY SISTER was NOT a 26 year difficulty. It was only a 6 month difficulty!

THERE is the problem with REBOUND relationships.

Even a professional psychologist could not help himself.... and it took ME... a wealthy, lonely, single millionaire to point out ot both of them... and now you... that it has to STOP at each ending... and not to carry it into the next.

Otherwise....... you can do it! You really can! But not if you are ignorant of the repound phenomenon and do nothing to stop it as I pointed out to my sister and her psychologist boyfriend!

The odds are against you..... but...... just keep the present to the present..... and the past in the past. PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! or it will destroy you! ......or else.

You need to step back, for your sake and his. The most important thing to remember here is that he wants to try to work things out with his wife. Yes, they fight a lot, but some couples go through hard times and work it out. They have kids, they're married, he should put in that effort. He can't really do that while he's having an affair with you.

For your own sake, you need to realize that even though he cares about you and enjoys being with you, he also clearly wants to be married to his wife. That may not work out, but don't fool yourself that you are the mystical one for him. You barely know each other.

He is not calling you. He is telling you he doesn't know what he wants. Despite what he said when he first met you, you are not all he wants, he also wants his wife. Yes, he's confused, but that might also mean he's confused about you. You two get along well, but you don't have to deal with the difficulties of living together and raising kids and you've only known each other a few months. Perhaps the reason you met was just to learn lessons from each other.

You don't seem to want to get back together with your husband, so maybe you should look around at other men. My personal opinion is that for you right now it might be smart to date a little without having sex or getting involved. Otherwise you might get into a relationship too quickly with the wrong guy because you are feeling vulnerable.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I STAY AWAY FROM THE MARRIED AND SEPERATED MEN! IN THE END YOU WILL BE THE LOSER!

Sweetie, I hate to tell you this, but your a rebound... He never wanted to leave his wife, she forced him to. He is still in love with his wife and isn't that interested in you. It's not fair, but he started dating WAY too quickly. He started dating, but REALLY wasn't emotionally ready yet.

I say leave this guy alone, let him get his life together, and see if he contacts you. If he does then it was meant to be, if he doesn't then... then it wasn't meant to be.

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