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Is he scared or not interested anymore?

Published on January 19, 2011 by yellow_lima_bean

I met this guy online, we hit it off really well, he's basically pursued me for the last month, he would text me everyday and if I didn't text him for awhile he would become concerned, which I like that he is like that because most guys don't really seem to care that much. We met the other day in person. Everything went really well, he mentioned twice about having another date. But now I feel like he's ignoring me, he assures me that he's not and that he likes me and he doesn't know why I am worrying, he hasn't been with a girl in 4 years and says that he's not used to being with someone and that this is all new to him. I really want to believe that's true but its been 5 days now since we met and he hasn't once bothered to text me first. Everyday I've texted him and he says he's busy which is understandable he is a cop , and he's been helping his sister move. But he seems odd now and I'm definitely not enjoying worrying about whether or not I should text him everyday, but when it gets to be about 6pm I can't stand it anymore lol Also he says he hasn't done anything with a girl physically in 4 years either. And we did kind of mess around the other day. I'm not sure if maybe he feels bad about that because he is the one that pushed for it to happen. Or maybe he thinks I'm not that good of a girl because I allowed it to happen. But I am I just felt comfortable around him . This has been driving me crazy and he probably thinks I'm some psycho freak now because I keep texting him asking him so many different questions. He text me and told me that he didn't want to rush things, yet we did get kind of physical the other day on our first date :/ lol and he said that he hasn't been in the mood to talk to anyone for the last couple of days. I really don't know what's going on with him. And I hate badgering him about this but I feel like there's something he's not telling me and I don't know when he will. I want to think he's not into me but he hasn't told me to leave him alone, and when I text him he most of the time responds back if he isn't busy. I guess its just dissapointing that we just met and I'm the one that's super excited about wanting to talk to him now and I feel like I'm not getting those vibes from him. :(


If he pushed you to make out, that's not a good sign. Sounds like a person who didn't care about a long term relationship, and just wanted to fool around. If you're not getting clear signals from a man that he is really interested in you, it means he's not. Stop trying to figure him out. You need to have some self esteem and tell yourself that you are the treasure, and if a man doesn't make an effort to be in a relationship with you, then he's not worth your time. Stop communicating with him. Delete his number so you're not tempted. You will eventually find a man who is crazy about you, and he will make that quite clear. Let the man persue you. Leave a little mystery for him to figure out. Have your own life with going out with girlfriends and having hobbies, and don't make a man the entire center of your universe. That's too much pressure for a man. They like independent confident women who will be happy with or without them, and the world won't crumble if the relationship doesn't work out. Take care.

What is it that you want from a man? DO you want a guy you have to pursue and chase so he'll show interst in you. Is that the kind of relationship you want?

I find it ironic that in the first month he had no problem pursuing and texting you but now it's all stopped. If he really wanted to he would find the couple of minutes to text you to show you he was interested, wouldn't he.

Don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why he is acting differently. Just notice it & decide if this is the type of behavior you want from a potential boyfriend. YOU must decide that you are a wonderful, special person who deserves to be valued and treated with love & respect (the kind that makes you feel good about being with someone).

If a guy isn't treating you the way you want you have the right to tell him to go take a hike. Your relationships are a direct result of the quality of your choices. If you make smart healthy choices you will have a relationship that most can only dream of. If, however you keep giving your power to men and allow them to dictate what your relationships will be you will find that is is almost impossible to have the happy & fulfilling relationship you desire.

So, the next time you want to text him ask yourself "Is this my idea of what a relationship should be?"

I feel like this: He could be just wanting to go slow. Then a gain he could be not so interested anymore so stop doing the missing and start being the one thats being missed. Don't text him for a while and if he misses you he will call or text. If not then don't let it be any sweat off your back.

Okay, first of all, chill out, honey. You've been on one date with this guy and that doesn't count for anything. You're pushing for something so hard that it seems he's already lost interest because he's already distanced himself.

I can see that you like this guy - a lot - and that's great but you've put all your proverbial cards on the table, so to speak. You're texting him daily and you're obsessing about him. You need to back off big time. Guys like to chase girls themselves and, honestly, you're doing all the chasing. It sounds like you had a good time but I will put it to you as kindly as I can - for him this sounded like a good date but with the obsessive texting and contact from you and lack of response from him means he's not interested.

I would move on if I were you. I know you like the guy but he's obviously not that into you. Maybe he was at first, or maybe he just saw you as a date or a casual hookup or whatever. I don't know but for future reference, I will give you some advice:

  1. DO NOT contact a guy after a first date, first. I know that's so old-fashioned but guys truly do like being the one's doing the pursuit.

  2. DO NOT obsessively text, call or email a guy. That scares the crap outta them - heck it scares the crap outta anyone. I went on one date with a guy once and he had texted me 8 times between the time I left the restaurant and drove home - it was a 20 minute drive! - and after the third text, I didn't respond to him anymore and dropped him because he SCARED the crap outta me with his obsessive, needy and clingy behavior.

  3. Realize that a first date is just a first date. It's not the beginning of a relationship. I've been on TONS of first dates that lead to nothing. I've been on tons of second and third dates that lead to nothing as well. You can't just jump from date one to relationship...there really is no specific time-table for something like that.

I understand that you're disappointed and that's part of the dating game. There are going to be men that you meet that will be awesome and you really like that don't feel the same about you, just as there will be guys that think you're the most awesome thing and really like you and you're so-so about them.

Eventually you will meet a decent guy that feels the same fireworks for you that you do for them but you can't rush it. I know that's hard to hear but I've been in your shoes, so to speak, and know what it's like to like someone a WHOLE lot more than they like you but you've got to chill out and enjoy the journey. You'll meet all kinds of guys but the ones that don't work out will teach you what you want and what you don't want.

I wish you luck and look forward to an update.