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He is deigned for me but...

Published on November 13, 2013 by charlie1920

We have been in each other's life for almost 7 years. A natural chemistry that many people often hope for. Sharing laughs and precious moments to our internal fears. But somehow life took us in separate paths. But our bond was still and still is strong. But in our separate courses he found a girlfriend. I moved from being the only girl in his heart to being out in the cold. But he still was there. No matter how many times I walk away and leave our paths cross. We are in a room together and no one else matters. Stolen glances. But he got married. Still we talk and support each other. It's a long story but he texted me one day and said I know I am wrong and this is twisted but you are always mine. I love how we are together. What do I do?

ANSWERS

Dear Charlie1920,

I think you know what the right thing to do is, it's just hard to do it. He moved on, he got married to someone else. That's the answer. In the end, he didn't choose you.

It may be torture that your paths keep crossing, but smile, remember what you once had, and then let the moment go and keep on moving. It's not fair to his wife for him to be communicating with you and confessing his love. How would you feel if you were her?

I would cut off all communication so you can move on once and for all. It sucks you guys couldn't get it together, but just because your paths continued to cross doesn't mean you guys were meant to be. You can love someone and not be meant for them. He made his choice. Accept that what was cannot be now and move on.

-YourTango Expert

First let me compliment you on your writing style. It's poetic and really shows the feelings you have for this man. Unfortunately, we all make choices and we must live with those choices. I'm not going to tell you what to do. You have to figure that out for yourself. One thing that I ask myself is: Will the things I do or say cause someone else to suffer? If the answer is yes, keep your mouth shut and behave yourself. If he truly loves you and wants to be with you, he has to make things right. He would have to divorce his wife and do right by her. Then he could be with you. But there is a catch: you can't ask him to do that. You have to move on and do what is right for you in your life. We reap what we sow. If you are honorable and truthful with yourself and others, you'll be happier. If you are sneaky and dishonest, eventually it will catch up with you and who knows how much suffering will take place. You seem like a good person. Your writing shows that. Don't compromise your morals and what is right. Once you do, your heart begins to change into something foul. Too many people in this world justify their actions on false beliefs in this dog-eat-dog world.

Oh Charlie 1920, how I know this story all too well. My situation that truly mirrors this one lasted almost 20 years and the pain it caused me was unending, until I worked HARD on my own esteem issues. The cold hard truth of the matter, as stated above, is that he didn't choose you. He has chosen a fantasy of you that will always be more intriguing than the reality of marriage because that's life: fantasies are always more intriguing. He cast you in the role of Intrigue, but cast someone else in the role of Wife. You have to decide for yourself what role you want to play in someone else's (and your own) life. Once you truly accept the role he's cast you in and what role you actually want to play, you'll start to see the picture more clearly. To be completely transparent, it wasn't until I allowed myself to truly fall in love with someone else and saw how I could be loved, really, truly in the here and now, that I was able to allow myself to let go of being this other man's fantasy. It was a long, hard road and I fully believed for 20 years that this man was my Soul Mate, but the truth, the cold hard facts staring me in the face spoke otherwise. I urge you to look at the facts and nothing more. Good luck...

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