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He is cheating on me with men

Published on April 21, 2014 by captjilly

Over the past 5 years I have discovered my boyfriend is having sex with men either from Craigslist ads or adult bookstore encounters. I have busted him before and confronted him. He said he never actually met with anyone and just enjoyed the pursuit. I am a very open minded person and do understand that everyone has their "kink". I thought he had stopped.. But all he really did was cover his tracks better. He downloads and watches a large amount of porn. And he has toys and lube in plentiful supply. I have recently discovered the encounters with the adult bookstore.I have not told him this yet. He has a low self image. And I believe that he is very ashamed of it. He is a former Marine and is currently a pilot. So he has plenty of opportunities to hook up. He, of course, lies all the time about where he goes and the money that is spent. The hardest part of it all is I truly believe he loves me and my children. I really want to understand why he does this, if it is fixable, and somehow get through this. I don't think is something he is doing to hurt me or that he wants to leave. My hope is that if we can understand why he is doing it we can either fix it or find a way to live with it and not be a deceitful act. I know you are probably thinking I am crazy for saying that. I am scheduling counseling for us. I hope he will be able to own up to his actions and we can come to understand them. Please let me know your thoughts.

ANSWERS

Captjilly,

There are several parts to what he is doing. Not only is he lying to you, cheating on you, and lying to you about the cheating...he is potentially putting you at risk for stds etc. Do you think your husband is gay? Or bisexual, or just exploring? It sounds like he might be lying to himself about what is going on as well. I think it is very difficult for some people to accept and love themselves for who they are. There is absolutely a reason for what he is doing. He might not even know what that reason is. I don't know that you can necessarily "fix" what is going on. I think counseling is absolutely necessary. I think it will have to start with him being completely honest with you about the things he has done, and why. With the help of a counselor maybe you can work things out. But I think you should be prepared for your world to change. Do you think you can forgive him? Trust him again? Knowing he continues to lie to you about such a big thing. Don't sacrifice anyone's happiness to stay together, because it won't be good for either of you or the children involved.

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