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He gets upset for I always win the arguement.

Published on April 1, 2010 by abnor

In every situation where I want to do something that he doesn't want me to, for example going to prom with my best friend in her school two hours away from mine, or spending a weekend alone to catch up with my work life, I convince him to let me do as I please, but he gets hurt in the process.

I don't use mean tactics or call him names, but I do outline every possible thing that could happen in the scenario that I'd like to be a part of, and I tell all the good and bad. Clearly I win because the good way outweighs the bad, but for some reason he can't accept defeat.

And so days following the argument, he pouts and ignores his true feelings for me, for his pride is hurt and he recalls instances, all of them, where he never won an arguement. But what can I do about this? I'm an expert influencial speaker, and he just can't compare, but I don't want him to feel bad because of that.

And yes, I've done the whole, 'list all the good things about him' route, but that doesn't work anymore. So what can I do about his hurt feelings?

ANSWERS

It sounds like he is not as good of a communicator as you are. The only thing I can suggest it to try to give him more chances to state his case on the matter. Let him know that you care about his feelings and want to hear what his needs are. Maybe he just feels defeated because since you always win the arguments there's never any compromises on his behalf. And relationships have to have compromises on both sides so even if your logic is better and the reason you always win arguments, it's not necessarily a good thing.

There are a couple things at work here. First of all, fighting in a relationship should not be about winning and losing. If you are "winning" all the time, then something isn't right, because there is no way you are "always" right. Fighting is a two-way street and in a relationship when you are in it to win it, no one wins. Instead of trying to to win, you need to start listening to him. Give him some time to formulate his thoughts and come back to you with answers. You may not be calling him mean names, but if you are shutting down his voice because he isn't as great of a communicator as you, you are being a bully.

In every relationship, no one is 100% right and no one is 100% wrong and think in order for you to deal with his moping you need to recognize your role in this and realize that you are being pushy and not allowing him to speak in the way that he needs to be heard, which is different than the way you speak. My husband and I are exactly like this. He takes a while to formulate his thoughts, while I am an on my feet type of thinker/fighter. But what we have both learned is that instead of "fighting to win" we need to approach the situation with humility and listen and both recognize that neither one of us is perfect in any given situation and if we are fighting (most often) it is because both of us have gone wrong somewhere.

Question. Your status says you are married, but you are talking about prom? Are you married or are you dating? I think whatever the case, you need to learn how to listen to him and give him the space to express what he thinks.

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