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He cancels a date, what to do now?

Published on September 23, 2009 by confusedlibra

Have been dating this man, seperated, with children for the last 6 weeks (phyiscally) and been talking since July. It seems like we always hit the sake when we do meet up at his place and that he can't really afford to go out and leaving his children at home (as they are young). That's fine. So last time when we met, after being intimate, I asked him to take me out this week and he said yes, and Wednesday would work for him. Came Tuesday night, not a word from him so I called and confirmed when and where to meet. He said he had to cancel because he had forgotten that his mother is coming to town to stay with him on Wednesday night when he set up the date with me, perhaps Thursday or Friday night would work and he'll give me a call on Wednesday to firm up. I don't want to sound stupid or naive, but I am and rather give him the benefit of the doubts but i can't help to wonder, is he into me? And if he doesn't call back in the timely manner, what do I do then. I understand he has family and parental obiligations but if he could spend hours and hours on the phone with me before our first date and not call for weeks, finally picked up the call and only can afford to see me once a week and still claim we are not FWB because he has feelsing for me, why not pick up the phone for five minutes per day or every other day? and believe me, I have communicated this with him already.

I want to know and need to know that this is not abnormal in normal dating behavior. I don't expect him to get into an instant relationship with me but i do feel that I am pursuing him than he is pursing me. It it makes the matter more complicated, we have already be intimate.

ANSWERS

First off, it seems really early in the relationship to be pushing for everyday communication, especially from a man with so much on his plate. And it sounds like you haven't been seeing one another consistently since July.

I think you need to ease up. At this point you risk pushing him away. You really want to know if he is into you, then step back and let him pursue you. He might not be pursuing you because you haven't given him the chance.

From the info you've given us, its hard to tell if he is into you or not. It certainly seems like it. But I think you need to step back and let him pursue you. He said he'll call. Let him. And if he doesn't, don't call him immediately. Let the deadline pass with silence. Let him miss you.

Well, the first stage of great communication from him is because he needed you in his life. He still needs you, but he is strapped. He has a lot to deal with. It isn't that he doesn't care about you. He took a lot of time to communicate with you.

Here it is:

"Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."

It sounds unfair, and I am sure you have needs that need to be met... but he has some serious obligations at his heels.

Can you afford to pay for a sitter for him?
He cannot, apparently.

But, you have chosen to be involved with a man who is in dire straights! It isn't your fault, and it really isn't his fault.

However, under the circumstances, it might be just that sort of thing... and he undoubtedly is going to need your help and your understanding, as well as your support.

The more you can help to help him... the more he can help to love you and meet your needs... if he can catch his breath in the process.

You are going to have to give a lot in that relationship... unconditionally... and hopefully he will be able to give back when he can.

I don't think he can help it. I think he is at his limit with patience, hope, help... you name it. But I'd bet he cares a lot about you!

The question is: Do YOU care neough about him?

That is what this is all about... unfortunately.

I wish you the best!

This is why women should not get intimate with men before there's a ring on their finger (preferably the wedding band). If all you're having is sex you are left wondering, "Is this all we have?"

He may not be able to take you out to dinner do to finances but he shouldn't have to take you to bed everytime your together either! Take the sex out of the equation for as long as possible and see if you're still invited over all the time.

It really seems like YOU are doing all the work. You need to separate yourself from the situation for a little while. Stop calling, texting, and e-mailing him... if he calls you or tries to contact you right away (say after three days to a week) he is into you and just has a lot on his plate. If he waits a week+ or you never hear from him again, you have your answer. My ex was and is strapped for cash, but he would usually call me once or twice a week, just to talk.

If he calls you after a couple of weeks to "hook-up" at his place, this dude isn't into you, he isn't ready to date, and you need to move on.

First off, please read "He's just not that Into You", it really changed my life as far as dating goes. But to recap the whole book, basically you will know when a guy is into you, he will make the effort for you and he won't 'forget' when his family is coming to visit. If you just want to have fun with this guy, then just relax about it all and let him come to you. If you want more, I think it's a sign if he's forgetting something important like his family coming to visit that he may forget important things with you as his partner one day. I know I'm jumping to the extreme but these are all signals, just pay attention to them and remember that men love to do the work, if they really want the 'prize'. Good luck sweets!

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