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He always falls for my friends and not me!!!

Published on July 10, 2010 by allyk620

I believe im a good looking woman and have a lot to offer a guy. Whenever i meet a guy it always turns out the same. He falls for one of my friends. Even though we both have a lot in common, can open up and share with each other, and have a great time together he still falls for my friend. I recently met a guy on a sports team that my friend and i decided to join. Him and I automatically started talking on the phone and through texts. We always had something to talk about and i felt like we hit it off perfectly. Finally, my friend and I met up with him at a party and we all started talking. Before i knew it he was flirting with my friend and they were having a great time talking to each other. Since i have been in this position more times then i could count, i already knew where this was going. He was falling for my friend right in front of me. Since the party him and I still talk to each other the same way but it seems I am just a good friend... again. When we talk now he is always asking about my friend and how he can get to know her more. I am too nice to try and stop it because i care to much about my friends but i want him to fall for me and not her. How can I be the one the guy falls for instead of just being his friend? Am i being more like "one of the guys" or just too much friend like then actual girl friend? Its getting to the point where i have decided to give up on finding a boyfriend. What can i do?


Wow, tough situation, and I feel where your coming from, this is a problem I and a lot of my friends seem to have. I don't think this is a looks problem at all, or a test of physical attractiveness either. It might be exactly what you've said yourself--''being one of the guys" isn't always a good thing. What I try to do when this happens to me, is to really step back and look at this from other points of view--does she laugh louder at his jokes, or flirt better, is her perfume stronger, or is she simply his type? Also look at it from the friend's perspective, why does she like him, that could reveal some underline issues as well, maybe she's seeing what he wants her to and that attracts him. Try flirting more, or just straight up stating how you feel, what do you have to lose? And finally, maybe its not you, ever think that your into the wrong sort of guy? I often find it best to "be into guys who are into me" in can really help.

If this keeps happening, maybe you would be better off looking for guys on your own instead of bringing your girlfriends along with you to parties and whatnot. They can be a great means of support, but if they keep "out-shining" you, you have to figure out why. Is it their way of dressing, their fragrance, their methods of flirting? Do you come across as too tomboy-ish? I interviewed a relationship therapist recently, and one of the tips she shared was how important it is for a woman to be feminine while dating. Do you wear dresses or trousers? Do you accessorize? Show some skin (not too much skin, of course)? All of these come into play, so I would think about a few ways you can amp up the playing field a little by making a few small changes in your appearance and demeanor.