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Having a Hard Time Moving On After Breakup

Published on November 12, 2012 by saditguy

Hi,

I wanted to get your advice about a bad breakup I’m currently going through. I started dating my co-worker Linda after I resigned from the company. Even before I resigned her work schedule bothered me. Our manager would call, text, and IM her at very late hours talking about non-work things. She was also working 10-12 hours a day (she never got the right OT pay she was entitled to) – six days a week. I talked to our manager and he basically told me to mind my own business. So I talked to HR and they were suppose to conduct an investigation but they never talked with any of us to corroborate what was going on. Linda was very upset with me because of my reporting this to HR and this caused issues with our relationship. We came to an agreement that she would start to look for a new job in Oct and also try to leave her job earlier in the evening.

Initially she was true to her word… but gradually she started to work the same hours again.. and the manager continued to call and text her late into the nights and mornings. I was always worried for her safety because something wasn’t right with this manager. Even one time I saw this manager biking around her neighborhood on one weekend when he lived 40 minutes away. IT all culminated into an argument where she told me that she only told me that she would look for a job in Oct because that was what she knew I wanted to hear. We eventually broke up and I said some awful things to her in frustration because I felt she lied to me.

I tried to contact her but she completely blocked me out of her world. I tried to see her but she ran away from me and refuses to see or talk with me. I’m greatly hurt by this. She refuses my packages and letters. I still think about her… and worry about her.. I still love her deeply but my words and contacting HR wounded her harshly. I’m not sure what to do. My intentions were only to get her out of this unhealthy work situation because I loved her… but I only made her retreat more into this work world. Did I do the right thing? How do I reconcile this feeling of regret? Is there a hope of getting back together? (it’s been three months)

I hope you can give me advice about this. It’s been a rough three months since our breakup.

IT Guy

ANSWERS

I think you need to back off and walk away. Regardless of how much you love and care for her, she sees you as a stalker. And it is possible that your former employer sees you as a problem, too.

People who get too involved in other people's lives do so out of their own fear of abandonment. The pains and hurts of childhood contribute to this. I'd recommend some intensive therapy with an expert.

Please read my blogs www.DivorceShift.com/blogs or sign up for the complimentary chapter to my new book GoodbyeMrEx.com - although its for women it will give you some handy insights on how to move on!

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