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Have I Scared Him Off By Acting Too Keen? : (

Published on September 20, 2013 by cosmicgirl

I'd really appreciate some thoughts please...

I have been on 6 dates with a guy who I genuinely think I am starting to fall for. From dates 1-5 I have really tried to approach this 'potential' relationship differently and so I have tried not to over-analyse things and to generally be as laid-back as I can (which really doesn't come easy to me) - e.g. after a couple of our dates, I have not heard from the guy for 2 or 3 full days and I have been thinking all sorts of negative things, putting myself through it, thinking he has obviously reflected on the date and changed his mind about me, etc., only for him to eventually 'check-in' with a contact text and then from there, we have gone on to arrange the next date, etc.

So last night was our 6th date, however it had been nearly 3 weeks since our previous date because we have both been absolutely crazy busy with various things. So we went to the cinema and during the film, there was no physical contact at all... no hand-holding, not even a brush of the arm etc. We then went to a pub and again, it just felt like I was out with a friend. Then I gave him a lift home and he initiated a few kisses in my car... I said that I didn't really want to go home just yet and he said that although he wasn't up for a mega-late night, he was happy to continue the night for a bit longer and so he invited me in to his shared house.

Once inside, we watched some telly and ended up kissing some more - (I should add here that we have done lots of kissing on previous dates but that's all). We laid on his bed but he seemed reluctant to take things any further or at least, he was caressing my top-half everywhere but... my breasts. I can't remember exactly what I said but I asked him if he wanted anything to happen and he said that he didn't necessarily want to go 'all the way' but maybe just somewhere in the middle? He also said that he thought I was shy and that suddenly he felt shy and a bit awkward too... but that he had absolutely no idea why - (he even went so far as to say that he felt like some sort of awkward 16 year old with his first girlfriend again - I'm not sure how to take this?!) Anyway, I took his hand and placed it on my chest and said that if he wanted to touch me there that I was fine with it... (but I almost felt then that I was forcing myself on him and I joked about this - to which he just smiled...) He then said that he had felt the same way when he first kissed me and that he had spent about an hour working up to it - I said that I thought I had made it clear (and probably too much) that he would not be rebuffed and he simply answered that he had no idea why he felt shy about it but that maybe (because I had mentioned previously that guys don't normally seem to treat me with much respect... or that once they realise I'm not going to sleep with them straight away, they usually lose interest) it was about respect. He also said that sometimes when you feel there may be more riding on something and that perhaps you care a bit more than usual, that it makes a simple kiss all the more nerve-wracking.

So anyway, we cuddled and kissed basically all night long. He joked again that he hadn't wanted a late night and yet here we are at 4am in the morning. I wasn't sure then whether he wanted me there or not... I felt he did on one hand but then he also kept saying how tired he was and that he was in need of some sleep. So after really dragging out my decision about whether to stay till morning or not (my fault - I was just being vain and joked that he might not want to see me again after he'd seen me first thing in the morning... and also that I didn't fancy bumping in to his flatmates on the landing in the morning etc.) I ended up staying till nearly 10am.

When we got up properly in the morning, he realised that there were a few things meant to be on his agenda today that he had genuinely forgotten about - I then felt guilty for staying coz he was clearly a bit stressed about it all and altogether very tired. Anyway, he didn't exactly chuck me out or anything but he did politely say that he now needed to crack on, which was obviously my cue to go - I had asked him to tell me at any point if and when he needed me to go but of course, when the moment actually came, I still didn't really want to leave. Of course, I was going to go but I think I basically dragged out the whole goodbye for much longer than necessary (to the point that after saying goodbye on his doorstep, I still then leaned over the garden wall and got him to come over for yet another kiss goodbye - by this point, he surely must have been thinking "For God's sake woman, just go?!" - so I think perhaps I made a bit of a fool out of myself in that respect. I also asked him when we could go out again and he said he would text me to arrange something possibly towards the end of next week... As always tho, I had to go one step further and reveal my enthusiasm, while also revealing my insecurities... and so I said, "Oh but we can be in touch before then can't we?" He said yes but by this point, I felt like I was just being a bit of a cling-on nause which made me feel even more awkward about leaving and so when I did then leave... I had mixed feelings - happy that I'd had such a nice time snuggling up to him but also worried that I had acted like a bit of a potential nag.

I am also beating myself up for 2 other conversations we had last night - which were both started by myself... 1) I basically made it clear to him (but probably over-iterated that I was looking for something meaningful and not just sex and that I didn't want to be just another 'notch on someone's bedpost' (although I did acknowledge that perhaps it was a bit too soon of me to be bringing up my thoughts on that) - I only did so coz we were by now half-naked in bed but I now also imagine that he may have interpreted this as me trying to back him in to a corner and become my boyfriend. I was getting myself in a bit of a tangle trying to explain my feelings on the subject and eventually he just said, "Ok, I hear you..." - he didn't say it in a cross way but I got the message that it was time to wrap up the conversation, so I just sighed and said, "I'm sorry for going on..." and then we both went silent. (I felt like I had gone on about a few things during the course of the evening and I don't think that was the first time I'd had cause to apologise... which I realise is annoying in itself... but I just felt it best to at least acknowledge that I felt I was 'going on' and therefore attempt to wrap things up.

2) I also made the mistake (I feel) of making it pretty clear that I really like him and at one point, I kind of said that I didn't understand how or why a guy like him could still be single and that when he did meet the right girl, that she would be a very lucky one... basically I was rambling on a bit (again) - he seemed embarrassed and laughed and said, "What are you saying?" - He also said that he had never exactly had a "queue" where women were concerned... and that he didn't take compliments very well... Again, it was one of those moments where, as the very words were coming out of my mouth, I was thinking, "shut up, just shut up!" - I mean, talk about potentially giving him mixed messages but I think I was just trying to protect myself a bit... He had also already said that he usually always plays his cards pretty close regarding his feelings... and we both agreed (just in a general sense) that although this can be confusing for the other person in question, it is kind of a 'protection' thing because once you have made your feelings known, you are opening yourself up... (too late for me then - since I feel like I've already done this with this guy).

So anyway, if anyone is still reading this then firstly, you deserve a medal and secondly, I'm sorry it is so long but I really just needed to get this load off my chest - even if no-one replies, I feel a little bit better for having written my feelings down... but if anyone should want to reply, then please do... I am driving myself nuts because after initially feeling good this morning, I am now worrying about all sorts of little things with him... and all the things I have mentioned in this post.

I know that he was going to be very busy today, so I doubt that he has probably given me a second thought really... but I can't help thinking and worrying that when he does reflect on the evening, that he will only remember the silly and negative bits that were all my doing... I hate thinking that there may not be another date and that perhaps I have potentially ruined things between us...

What do people think? Should I wait for him to contact me next - if past experience is going to be the norm, then I doubt that I will hear from him before Sunday evening now and that is basically just going to drive me nuts but at the same time, I feel like I should just leave him alone now and that any more apologising about anything will just drive him crazy...

Please feel free to share your thoughts with me...