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FWB, good or bad?

Published on February 7, 2011 by marti

Ok so here's the deal, me and this guy have been friends for about 5 years, not the best fo friends, but we got really close and then far and now cloase again, hes dated a friend of mine, and well they broke up a while ago, but are still in contact ( she lives halfway across the world) . He's had flings or realtiponships i guess with quite afew girls almost 6 or 7. Anyway, about 1 year ago, i started dating his bestfriend and well he moved away, and it was just me and the guy, we started getting close, like seeing eachother alot, he would always pick me up when we went out or just hung out in general. i guess what you need to know is , both him and i , are very very flirty people. One night randomly , we were out doing our usual bantering and, we started getting really close, safe to say that by the time we got home, we were making out with eachother, ( what i didnt know at the time was taht he was trying to get with this other girl, a friend, and that didnt bother me alot, since i had a boyfriend at the time). a few days later we ending up sleeping together in the backl of his car, completly sponateous!, this was also the same day he asked the girl out. After that we started hanging out quite a bit, like he came over alot, and we just hung. nothign physical, then we started having sex more often. but teh funny thing is , he has become a major dick, like he acts like an ass, but the same time hes sweet, its so confusing. when we are around people, he acts awakrds aorund me, cause dsnt want people knwing about us, which is fine with me, but teh thing is, he is naturally touchy person,a nd not being touchy makes it more odd. we start sleeping together more often, and i think im developing feelings for him, i always want to see him, or speak to him, and i dono what to do. he always talka bout the other girls he wants to sleep with, or his ex's. and its sooo frustrating. but at the same time, we are jsut friends with befits, we have sex, and then we dont talk abt it, we just sleep or he leaves or nothing after. i dono what im doing, i dont want to stop sleepign with him, but at teh same time i get so jealous. do i stay or do i go?, if i stop the fwb, will i lose him as a friend?.

ANSWERS

what if i start distancing myself from him, and he moves on to another girl?, I mean today we had like wrestling fight, cause he took my phone and it was a play thing, but i ended up scracthign his face ( nothing major like a tiny mark, but it bled), and he just stopped talking to me, and said he ws going to his place, didn't even say bye or anything, bt he started texting, an old FWB he had. the thing is i know your right, but actually going through with it may mean i will lose him for a while. I tried speaking to him about it once, and he said why should we complicate things, ur not just a F*ck buddy, i speak to you alot more, and i hang out with you and stuff, but i dont want the whole serious thing, and i told him i didnt want serious either, im just not the type of girl to go screw guy without getting attached. I honestly, dont know what he thinks, but i guess i dont have anything to lose. Thanks!

If it is "just sex" why are you starting to have feelings for him for something else? Listen, FWB is a very dangerous road for most people to succeed at. Can it be done, yes. But to pull it off successfully is very difficult. Why? b/c of exactly what is happening to you. Usually one of the "friends" winds up having feelings and wanting more than just sex. Sex, is an intimate act and it is very difficult for both people to keep the emotions/feelings out of it.

Look, if you want sex and that's all you want, let him know & both of u screw your brains out. But if you think you want something more (which is evidenced by your feelings) you might want to step back and see why you want something more with this guy. IS he really the type of guy that you want to have a relationship with or is he simply filling a void in your life?

The more clear you are on what it is you want (and why you want it) the easier it will be for you to figure out what the next best step should be.

Good Luck!

i guess your right, stepping back and looking at the situation from a distance may put some perspective in to it again. FwB was such a bad idea, i know that im not the type of girl that can do the whole no strings thing, but i guess, going outside your comfort zone is what made it all the more interesting. Its been about a day since we fought, and he hasn't tried contacting me all day, i guess that probably answers my question about if he cares or not. I guess i always new the answer, i just guess that the little girl in me still believed that i ment more to him, and that he would care enough.

Marti, This is where many men & women get themselves in trouble. If u want to get outside of u'r comfort zone and experience new things, fine then go do it. Just don't BS yourself or get upset when things don't turn into the relationship u want/desire. A true relationship between a man & a woman does not involve games. egos or drama. it's two people who value and respect each otehr and do what's best for them as a couple. If you're going to spend your single days worrying about trying to get someone to feel something for you or trying to understand why and what they're doing u'r headed for a long ride on an emotional rollercoaster. But if you get clear on who you are and what u are looking for from a guy it makes it much easier to identify the right guy when he comes along. If a guy isn't treating you the way you desire (both in & out of the bedroom) kick his ass to the curb and simply say "NEXT!". In the meantime, if you want to learn how to do the whole dating thing right & if you are interested in l;earning how to put yourself in the position to win (w/out having to experience the games. frustration & drama u are used to ) I suggest u check out http://www.smarterdatingforwomen.com.

Remember A guy can only drive u crazy if ...YOU LET HIM!!!!

Good Luck!

i think at first it was all about the excitement of it all, but then i guess spending so much time together, we just became close than we already were, i mean this guy and i, used to hang out everyday and just talk and laugh. but i always knew he had thing for someone else. and i guess once we started sleeping with ecahother, he would eventually start feeling something more as well. i know i i dont deserve a guy like him, someone who obviously doesnt care for me teh way i care about him, but i just think i see something there, but whether that is just hopefull thinking or truth i dont know. But what i am going to do is take your advice, and just stop all contact, and see if he cares enough to actually contact me after out small argument. i know that if he doesnt, it probably means we are done, cause even i have enough self respect and sense to know that regardless of what happend to just dont stop all communication like that. so lets see, i see him at a party on thursday next, lets see how he behaves. and if not i guess i will just say 'NEXT'.

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