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Friends/More than Friends - what to do!?

Published on July 3, 2010 by belle893

My guy friend and I have been good friends for about a year. We talk nearly every day, often for hours before realizing how late it is. He's always there for me. He listens and tries to reassure me when I've got girl drama with friends, family issues, or I'm just stressed out. He always hangs out with me and my friends and he makes time to see me frequently. Of course I do the same, although for the most part I make the plans. Every now and then he'll surprise me and suggest an event. We're so alike it's scary sometimes. We don't have to finish sentences because the other already knows what we're trying to say and I really feel like we have the same beliefs and values. We're majoring in similar fields at university, we have the same faith, and we have similar personalities (quiet individuals, same sense of humor, stereotypically geeky, ambitious, hardworking, etc.). The thing is, I recently admitted to him that I have feelings for him. I know he has a girlfriend back at home and it was never my intention to deliberately split them up. I was caught. He suspected that I felt this way and we discussed it. All he said was "it's okay. Honestly I figured. It was driving me crazy!" He was adamant that we remain good friends as we had been. Honestly, I expected more than that. Here I was, secretly wishing he'd break up with his girlfriend and date me, and everything is just fine? He said he suspected, but he hadn't wanted to confront me about it until he'd figured out how he felt about me. We hung out together all year at our university, going to all kinds of events together, just meeting up the two of us and chatting for hours. Now I'm so confused now. He keeps sending the strangest signals, but I could just be the hopeful naive girl who overthinks everything too! He's always been hyper-observant around me, he is fairly protective, always wanting to help, and just generally sweet. He even was my date to an event and slow danced with me more than once. Currently, he sends me emails several times a week just talking about his day and what he's up to. Nothing specific, just chatting really. My head is telling me to let him go, to cut off every tie with him, but my heart won't let me. I know I've grown much too attached, but every time I try to convince myself that I need to let go, he does something or says something that reignites a spark of hope. I know that if he's still with her, that means she's important to him and I'm not, and that really this looks quite bad on my part. I've never been the 'other girl' and i'm ashamed of how attached I am to him. It goes against all my morals to feel this way. I'm terribly embarrassed about how everything has gone. I'd take it all back if I could! I'm so lost, this is driving me mad! What can I do?