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Friends with benefits ... help

Published on May 20, 2014 by hp19

Hi I need help with my current situation. I have been seeing this guy for over 3 months now and we started by going on a date for drinks and then he came to mine to keep me company one night. After this, we had a conversation about what we wanted and he told me he didn't want a serious relationship. At the time I was okay with this because I was unsure what I wanted, but later that week we slept together. I am at university, so during this time we broke up for the Easter and during this time we spoke every day and played a 21 question game to get to know each other more. In this time we again spoke about relationships and he made the comment he didn't want a serious relationship but would like to carry on seeing me, because he only just got out of a 7 month relationship. So we then both warmed to the idea of being friends with benefits, because I was okay with as well.

When I returned for Easter I saw him 7 days in a row and we slept with each other each time. The next time he wanted to see me he said 'I want to cook you dinner' and so he did. Each time we are together we laugh a lot and tell each other a lot of things about each other and we are very cuddly with one another.

Recently, he has cooked me dinner a lot more and we have spent time together when we haven't been revising. The other day we went out for drinks and had such a nice time and acted quite coupally. That night we acted a lot more close and intimate and at this point i realised i have started to have feelings for him.

Basically I want to know if should I tell him? I'm scared he doesn't feel the same and I'll scare him off if i do, but i feel i should find out ...

ANSWERS

Well, if you really like this guy and would like to be in a serious relationship with him, you do need to tell him how you feel. But if you are fine with the relationship as it is, you would not need to tell him. It sounds like realizing that you have feelings for someone implies that it is a serious relationship for you. So, it sounds like you'd like to be in a serious relationship with him now. If you don't already know, it might be helpful to find out why he is not interested in a serious relationship before you tell him your feelings to help you decide.

This is the problem I have with this, and I will be completely honest with you- this guy has told you more than once that he is not looking for a relationship. He has been upfront and honest with you. Knowing that he has told you this, you gave him the green light for sex. Which is your choice, as (I'm assuming) you are both consenting adults. Nothing wrong with that. The thing is tho, is now he is cleared to sleep with you without feeling obligated to commit to you. You have put the cart before the horse. I have a lot of good guy friends that have been in this situation, whom suddenly find themselves confused as to why the girl wants more "because I TOLD her I didn't want anything serious!" Women in particular tend to get emotionally attached to the people they have sex with, regardless of whether they intended to or not. This is an involuntary chemical reaction. My advice to you is to NOT keep sleeping with him with your fingers crossed he will want more!!! You need to protect your heart first and foremost. Let him know that you are enjoying your time with him and ask if he wants to start officially dating, then watch his reaction. Is he excited and making your next plans? Or is he looking awkward and fumbling for words? Don't sell yourself short

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