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Friend visiting from overseas but I have a boyfriend

Published on June 6, 2010 by comfortis

Alright, I've known this guy for about 6 years now. During this time we have spoken online, mailed eachother, talked on the phone etc. At one point we were really close and I wanted to move over there with him ect ect or perhaps vise versa. Anyway, for the past 2 years or so I have had a boyfriend, who I would say I love. We are very involved in eachothers lives and we have planned to move out together in the very near future. I revieved a message from my overseas friend today saying that he was visiting soon and when would be a good time to book his flights. I am so confused considering I had/have (I dont know!) a HUGE attraction to this person and undeniable feelings which have lasted a long time considering we have never met but on the other hand I have my boyfriend who I know I SHOULD be faithful to. What do I do? Both guys are insanely sweet and loyal and I just feel bad either way I start thinking. Help!

ANSWERS

Does your friend from overseas know you have a boyfriend? Here is the thing. You've been basically two-timing on your emotions with your boyfriend and this guy from overseas. You need to stop. Don't see this friend when he comes to town and cut off all email correspondence and connection. If you try to hold on to them both you will lose them both.

I think we've all been in situations where we have a couple of people who we are attracted to at the same time. The question is not whether or not you should see this person who is coming from overseas or whether you should blow him off, the question is multi-layered. Are you happy in the relationship you have with your local boyfriend and if seeing this other person is going to ruin that situation, would you be willing to risk that and is this overseas relationship sustainable and fulfilling?

You have to decide and if this local one takes priority, then yes, be honest with the other person and don't lead him down a dead-end path, which you would most likely be doing if you didn't believe there was something worth pursuing beyond his visit.

There is an never ending stream of potential relationships at any given time and you must decide if either one of these is important enough to nurture and continue growing.

I have some experience with the overseas thing. If you're not physically in front of the other person on a regular basis, there are things that you don't see, and that makes the tendency to idealize a new romantic interest even worse. Just saying you could be in for some unpleasant surprises should you pursue anything long-term with your overseas friend.

He did it with you on her, he will do it on you with someone else. FACE IT- he likes what he's doing. Playing the mind games, and obviously, you don't mind it or you'd shit and get off the pot and do something about it. You like where you are. We do what we do because of the pay off. Whether it being staying at home and crying your eyes out, or waiting by the phone for him to call. Your gut is telling you that you deserve better, but he is tell you that you deserve him. Do you really think that little of yourself, cause darlin' if you do, you need some serious help. Do you know if she really has cancer, I mean, you've been with him long enough now to find out. She's either in remission, or on her death bed. And let me tell ya, you don't stay on your death bed THAT long. You are on a death bed waiting for him. If you wait, you might want to check into an old folks home, cause that's just how long you'll be waiting. Save yourself some anguish- get a life, one without him. Oh, and don't you know that everyone is talking about how much of a fool you are, behind your back?? Get a mitt and get in the game, he's not worth it. You get out of life what you exactly what kind of things you put into it. Go volunteer somewhere, sit at a coffee shop and people watch, read to the blind, get a new job in a new city, or you can stay a fool forever, your choice, your consequences. Make them count.

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