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fat husband

Published on November 14, 2012 by maxinelace

How do I tell my husband that he is fat and needs to lose the weight? He needs to lose a good 50 pounds (he lost 40 last year, but has since gained it back). Because of his weight, I am no longer physically attracted to him, and the sex, well, I try to get it over as quickly as possible as I find the visual in my head of us having sex repulsive, again because of the weight. Why is there such a double standard? Men can tell women "to lose it, or I lose you", but when the shoe is on the other foot, it's a different story. I have been very supportive of my husband through some difficult times he has had, and I've made some sacrifices myself, I just feel the least he could do is lose the weight. It doesn't even cost anything!!! I'm tired of hearing, "exercise with him, cook low calorie meals" etc., etc., as I'm not the one who is overweight (I can't help it that I'm naturally slim), so why should I have to suffer through the exercising, etc. too? I love my husband, I do, but I just want him to lose his weight for health reasons, and yes, for vanity reason. I want my HOT (he use to be) husband back!!

ANSWERS

I don't know how your relationship with your husband is so my advice may not work. Lol This is just based off of my relationship with my husband. Since we are open with each other, especially about things like this, I would just tell him. Offer to work out together because even if you are slim that doesn't mean you are healthy. Cook healthy food..YES. A healthy diet will help him lose weight and you can enjoy it too. Those aren't bad pieces of advice. But like I said, I would just rub his belly lovingly and tell him that he's getting a little pudgy. Again, I don't know your husband so I don't know how he will take it. I had to do that to my husband because he put on "sympathy weight" while I was pregnant....not a good look for him lol So I had to let him know I wanted him to lose that belly! Since then, we have made it a habit to work out together at least twice a week.

Maxine, you sound like you have thought about this for awhile. As with most things that involve couples, this is a problem for both of you! There may very well be emotional reasons for his eating and weight-gaining habits. Offering to listen while he talks about this is a good reason for you to explain the "how come" of what you want from him. Yes, it's true about cooking differently etc. but that's not the whole of the answer. Honesty is the best policy here -- without emotional blaming or anger, explain just exactly what you've said here to your husband. Tell him that you want to help him get back to that sexy guy -- that says you do like that guy but don't like the guy who's let himself go...

and the sex, well, I try to get it over as quickly as possible as I find the visual in my head of us having sex repulsive, again because of the weight.<<

This reality is dangerous for your relationship. Don't compromise your integrity or sacrifice your body to avoid the issue that you are no longer attracted to your husband. He needs to know. Forget cooking meals and exercising with him. You don't owe him that. You owe him the truth.

This one will catch up with you - stop pretending.

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