hello im looking for some advice. I split from my ex of 10 years in july 2011. It was her choice "she wanted to do what she wanted when she wanted ". She did not want the responsibility of bringing up our children either . Our divorce came through about 2 months ago although we have been living apart since the split. I have custody of the children although she sees them everyday and has them every other weekend. She had a bad childhood & adolescence with a toxic mother & absent father.I am 8 years older than her & our relationship at times felt like father & child rather than two equal lovers.I must admit i was relieved that we divorced as i had come to the end of my tether but wanted to stay together for the kids sake. We went through couple therapy but it only confirmed the fact that we had grown apart. Since the split we have stayed on very good terms , better than when we were together in fact. I moved on quite quickly and have a new girlfriend who i see every fortnight. Its a temporary relationship i think like a plaster to heal the break up wounds . I recognise that . However i feel much better in myself and feel that i have truly turned the page . I was under the impression that the ex had too until today when she said that she is still in love with me . I do not have the same attraction for her . The separation was very painful for me and have no intention of going back to her. If you dont love someone the same way as before it would be wrong. I do however feel guilty - even pity i think towards my ex. She blames herself and says shes ruined her life . Makes me feel even worse. Ive told her that even if i wasnt with someone else i wouldnt be with her . It wouldnt be fair on either us let alone what it would do to the children . My ex is not particularly maternal - i think this is a problem that has emerged from her chiildhood. She went back to see our couple therapist which i think is a good thing . I told her to speak to her friends , be positive & move on with her life . How should i handle this situation ? it is really messing with my head . thanks for reading this .
Dont you think you are better off her?coz according to what you said she wants to do wat she want to do whenevr she want to this means that her life deosnt include you shes her own boss becoz she deosnt understand that the mariage life is a comitment and a sharing life.what advice are you asking for if i may ask plz i mean about what?cary on with your life enjoy your time get out from home go out with you friends meet people i know it's hard but you gotta try.
hello star me & thanks for the reply . i am perfectly fine , my life has moved on . The ex however now regrets her decision . I've told her we aren't getting back together but i feel guilty & actually pity her.My question is what can i say to HER - to help her move on ?
hi sparky 1650 u r welcome okey i know you pity her but she's nt ur problm anymore sory.,dont feel guilty its her fault u gave her chances to deal with the prob but she ddnt take any of them cz she seemed not intrested dd she have a boyfriend when you were together cz this has its regrets too maybe she broke up with him found no1 beside her thats why she wants you back and saying she regrets the divorce,and why she ddnt regret the split when u were apart and the divorce before it was final?u cant say anything to help her she must have to realise that its over between you two and must move on you allready dd so many things to keep her with you just for the sake of ur kids.
hello star me - no she apparently hasnt had a bf since we split . she isnt my problem anymore thats true however she has access to the kids and it freaks me out that she may lose the plot and go over the edge . Back in march 2012 when it was her weekend with the kids she was hysterical and i had to call the police . She was threatening to kill herself & the kids . Now im treading on egg shells . I worry that if i voice my concerns to the powers that be they will withdraw her rights to see the children - they will suffer and she might go over the edge .
Maintaining a friendship is probably the best solution and friendly conversation as well. You will always be tied together as a result of having children together. Advise her that you value her friendship and that you will always be there for her as a friend. It is important that you maintain a healthy relationship for the sake of your children. Sometimes they see themselves as the reason for the split and attempt to get the marriage back together.