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Ex-boyfriend broke up with me but now acts like nothing happened!

Published on August 21, 2012 by beg81126

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue via e-mail with no explanation. Neither of us contacted the other for about a month.

About 10 days ago my ex-boyfriend sent me an e-mail with an explanation that was so improbable it's insulting, saying he just wanted to explain the sudden change. I didn't respond. The next day he sent me an e-mail acting like nothing had happened, but asking questions and hinting that he'd like to hear from me. At first I didn't respond. Then a week later, I decided to at least let him know I'm doing well, glad he's doing well, and not bitter. What I did may in retrospect seem a little childish, but I responded to his second e-mail (which had hinted for a response) with a simple smiley face

Well, since then he has sent me two flirty e-mails, the second of which hints about seeing me again.

So that's 4 e-mails, but only the first one acknowledges what happened between us. The subsequent 3 are practically as if nothing has happened. Even under his version of events, he made a unilateral decision based upon how he expected me to react without consulting me. I still have feelings for him, but he needs to know that I am not a doormat and it is not okay to give an improbable explanation for his behavior and then pick up where he left off. That would set a bad precedent were we to go forward. In essence to act as if nothing has happened is telling him he can dump me at any time just to come back any time he wants. That's not okay. How can I convey this message without seeming bitter? What should I say? Thanks

ANSWERS

Hey First thing you must do, for yourself, is that you should get over what has happened. Of course, it will be difficult since you do have feelings for him still, but he has NONE for you. And believe me, there is no point in liking a person who won't yield back your love. It's just like being a bouquet lover and expecting flowers from a cactus. You surely need him to know that you were hurt. Politely, but firmly. Keep in mind that you need to be diplomatic. Diplomats always convey their message, without taking sides, but remain right on the point. Ask him for the reason, and in case it sounds far fetched, were you THAT brittle to be left? Obviously not. Ask him for an elaboration. And keep on trying till you get the reason. Communicating verbally if a better way than texting and emailing. Then the conclusion depends on your interpretation. You say that he acts casually. Most of the people would say that neither was he serious, nor he wants to be, and will not be. Feelings come from the heart, and if they were so shallow, there wouldn't have been relationships. Be clear in your mind, and think about yourself first. It is all first for you, secondly, for him (if it affects him, that is). Draw the conclusions. The words used, the feelings and the way he talks will tell you about his feelings for you. If he does not seem interested, you HAVE to let go of your feelings, though it would take time. Later, there is always a way for better relations.

Keep remembering your intention to NOT be treated like a doormat. Let that intention & the question, "What is truly in my best interests" be your guide.

One option is to send him a polite and clear email or text that you are not interested in getting back together and then wish him a good life. To try to convince him how much his actions hurt you will only prolong this and he might not even really hear you. If you choose, ask him not to contact you again and then focus on healing and moving on with your life.

Best Wishes, Susie and Otto

If you don't want to be treated like a doormat, ask yourself this question: "How would someone who's NOT a doormat act in this situation?"

Someone who's NOT a doormat would not waste another minute communicating with someone who broke up with them "out of the blue via e-mail with no explanation" and then offered up "an explanation that was so improbable it's insulting."

You say you still have feelings for him but do you really want to be with someone who would throw away their relationship - something that should be very important to them - on a whim and then offer up a crappy explanation?

Don't be a doormat. Find someone who values you and their relationship with you. I suggest that you just stop responding to this guy all together. If you write back to him, you're just keeping the lines of communication open. He sounds incredibly immature and whether you respond positively or negatively is almost irrelevant. He got you to respond and that seems to be what he's looking for.

It's not ok for him to treat you the way he did. Ignoring his attempts at communication until you get something more mature and respectful (like "I sincerely apologize for being an ass") will send a clear message.

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