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Everyone says that getting married young is a bad idea... or is it?

Published on June 2, 2009 by urikohoshi

Everyone tells me that my boyfriend and i shouldn't get married quite yet. We're planning on getting married when i'm 19 and he's 21. We are both each others first kiss, and we've never had sex out of respect for each others wishes to keep our wedding night pure. We are extremely dedicated to our relationship and have been going out for 2 1/2 years now. And we're planning on getting engaged sometime this year (married the year after). Financially, we'd be able to handle it easily, because he'd be a year out of college and he's guaranteed a job that pays $25 an hour. He AND i are both ready and yet people still look down upon the idea and tell us to just have sex and not get married. We believe that the relationship is the important part rather than the physical aspect of it. so here's the REAL question...

What is your opinion, internet, what is your opinion on this issue, get married, or ___?

ANSWERS

l am 17 and my boyfriend is 20. So, I know where you are comming from. My boyfriend and I decided to wait until I graduate college, although, who knows what will happen. If you two are truely in love, then what's the problem with waiting a little longer. If you are going to college, I would recommend waiting until you are done. If you are not going to college then there would be no point in waiting. Do what feels right! :] Best of luck.

Convention dictates that its better to wait until you are older because you have had more experiences, have had time on your own (away from parents), and have more of an established identity as an adult, because the world changes tremendously afte high school is done. It also gives you time to really figure out what you really want in a lifelong partner because you understand yourself better.

However, what works for some doesn't work for everyone. I'd take a piece of advice from Lyz's book and say that you both should go see someone for pre-marital counseling. This doesn't mean that something is wrong with you both, it just gives you both a better idea of what you are getting into and if you are really ready for it. Either way, this shouldn't be an either/or type of decision (as in either marriage or sex). The dedication you both share towards your purity on your wedding night is great, and a lot of people will sprout up and say that either you are getting married to finally get some (which is not the vibe I'm getting from you), or when you do get married you'll spend a lot of time wondering what you missed. In all honesty, you both will probably get a little curious from one time to another about what it would have been like to sleep with other people, which is natural...just don't act on it!

Its your life. Other's may object to your decision, but its you who are living this life. I'm not a big proponent of marrying young (or going to college right out of high school). Most young men and women I've seen aren't ready for either and just waste time and money when they do jump right in, except of course that its a bit harder to drop your marriage than drop your classes. Some are ready for it.

So aside from advising you both to go see a pre-marital counselor (think of it as taking a driver's ed so that you can drive a car safely) listen to the advice given by the people you trust, the ones that you know give great advice and always have your best intentions in mind. That doesn't mean you have to follow their advice, but listen to it and really weigh out this decision. Remember, you are both still really young. There is nothing to say that you both can't just be together for awhile and then get married when you've lived life a little more.

I've thought about this over and over again... and have come to the conclusion that NO ONE should get married before 30! I married at 26, my high school sweetheart. My first kiss, my first sex, my first love. We now have 3 children together and are doing our best to make this happy little family work, but it is hard... much harder then I ever imagined, and honestly if given the opportunity I would have waited til I was older. You don't realize as a teenager or even someone in their early twenties, how much you will change as a person over the next few years. You will continue to grow and evolve, and the qualities you look for in a companion will change and evolve too. I think in most cases young couples grow apart during this phase of life, and if you are married, it makes things that much harder. Take the opportunity to travel, see and experience life on your own. Get to know who you truly are and what you want from life, because honestly, just wanting to be married isn't a life at all. Life is about more then marriage. Marriage is just one teeny tiny part of life... don't bank every other plan you have around it. Work to be all you can be for yourself... and everything else will fall into place! Don't worry so much about this commitment until much later down the line.

I don't expect you to listen to me... but I really wish you would!

Good luck with your decision!

i agree. getting married young is a bad idea. i myself got married young and now i am realizing just how hard it is. once you get married things change and you tend to change as a person. if i had known then what i know now i would have waited until i got older...MUCH OLDER and gotten myself together financially, mentally, and spiitually.

Statistically, according to US Census data, marrying under age 21 is one of the highest risk factors for divorce (over 20% higher). If [HTML_REMOVED]everyone[HTML_REMOVED] is telling you not to marry right now, I think there's probably a reason. A lot of kids from religious homes have been taught that being "pure" before their wedding guarantees a happy marriage. There are no guarantees, although highly religious people divorce slightly less than the general population.

Another way of improving your chances of success are getting a good education and high paying jobs.

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