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Engaged or not Engaged

Published on June 24, 2013 by lilly5067

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 3 years. For the past 6 months we have been seriously discussing getting married. While he hates everything about weddings(he was married previously and that did not go well), he told me that he knows that having a ring is important to me and told me to start looking for styles I liked. So, I did. I sent him an email with example pictures of the styles that liked. He responded that someday soon, we would go and pick out your ring together. So, I waited. Then,just a little over two months ago, he told me that for my birthday we were going to pick out my ring. However, when we arrived he showed very little interest in helping me select a ring and just stated "Get what ever you want." When I found a band that I liked, he asked the clerk - "Is that the price?". I felt bad for asking him to spend so much money (This store was slightly higher than the rings I looked at online", so I suggested we keep looking) We left the store and he didn't say anything to me at all on the way back to his house...about a 5 minute ride. Once we arrived at his house, he went outside to start yardwork. I knew that the same ring was available at another jewelers for about 75% of the price. Therefore, I sent him the link. It has now been 2 months and no ring yet. However, his sister congratulated me on the engagement and his mother asked if I made any wedding plans. I simply responded,"No, because he hasn't asked me yet." Part of me wants to keep waiting...hoping that he is going to surprise me, but I am very confused on whether or not we are engaged. Additionally information: We are both in our 30s. Well established in our careers and financially stable. The wedding set I was looking at was ~$ 2K, but he makes well over 200K per year...so money should not be the issue. Suggestions...Do I continue to wait or call him out on it?

ANSWERS

I think it’s been long enough that you could have a mature, patient conversation about the matter. Ask him why his family thinks you are engaged. Maybe he said something to his mom and sister. It sounds like he has some issues regarding marriage (understandable if his first time around didn’t work out), so just be patient but firm.

You need to have a good old fashioned "DTR" talk. You shouldn't be kept in the dark about your relationship and it sounds like he's having serious personal conflict about moving forward. You don't need to set ultimatums, but you should definitely ask him what his thoughts are. Are you close with his family? Maybe they've been told something different than what you think.

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