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emotional & sexual affair

Published on August 14, 2012 by deeready

My husband and I have been separated for 8 mos now. He left me for his mistress. He is now telling me he wants to make it work with me but he is afraid right now. How can i make him feel safe to come home and fix our marriage?

ANSWERS

So, he had an affair, he left you, and HE's afraid? I feel like I'm missing something here. Before you worry about trying to make it safe for him, ask yourself what you need to feel safe in a relationship with him.

Repairing a relationship after infidelity is hard work. I recommend that you and your husband seek out a marriage counselor to work through these issues together. It can be done, but both of you need to be addressing the issues in your relationship - it is not up to you alone to make it work.

Best of luck.

Sounds like his mistress dumped him, I would as Erika suggested seek the advice and support of a marriage councelor. If this man really wants to make it work he has to agree to your terms, after all you were hurt first. As for him feeling safe...please... he is lucky you are still talking to him.

Do you even WANT him back? Sounds like he dumped you and wants a "do over" since things didn't work out all rosy for him with his mistress.

If you take him back (I wouldn't), lay down the law for him - you may forgive him , but you will never forget. If he even thinks of screwing around again, he's history.

Since he's been banging his mistress (and who knows who else) he also now represents a disease risk to you. Do NOT allow him intimate contact with you until he's been back with you for six months (the time it takes after infection to test positive for HIV) and passes a complete exam for the whole range of sexually transmitted diseases. Get vaccinated against HPV and hepatitis so you've got some protection if he ever does cheat on you again. You may want to use condoms with him too.

Run, don't walk, and get the book [HTML_REMOVED]Not Just Friends[HTML_REMOVED] by Dr. Shirley Glass. It is excellent on healing your marriage after an affair (emotional or sexual). It's the book I give to everyone going through this. It gives steps to healing but also ways of making sure there is accountability.

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