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3 ANSWERS

EMAIL AFFAIR

Published on April 7, 2012 by sportzfamily

AFTER 27 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, FOUR KIDS AND WHAT SEEMED TO BE OUR TIME...I FOUND MY HUSBAND WAS EMAILING HIS HIGH SCHOOL GIRLFRIEND THAT FOUND HIM ON FACEBOOK ALL THE THINGS I WAS LONGING FOR. WE MARRIED AT 18 AND HAD OUR FAMILY VERY YOUNG. ALL CHILDREN ARE GROWN AND ON THEIR OWN AND I FINALLY FELT LIKE IT WAS OUR TIME AS WE NEVER HAD REALLY DATED OR ANYTHING BEING SO YOUNG. HE HAD PHYSICALLY CHEATED ON ME 3 YEARS INTO OUR MARRIAGE (JUST SO YOU HAVE A LITTLE BACKGROUND) RECENTLY HE LOST HIS JOB SO I WAS WORKING 2 FULL TIME JOBS TO COVER THINGS. I FOUND THIS ON HIS EMAIL AND THEY BOTH ADMITTED (SHE IS MARRIED) THAT SHE APPROACHED HIM AND IT HAD BEEN GOING ON FOR 3 WEEKS. NAKED PICTURES AND HIM TELLING HER THAT HE HAD THOUGHT OF HER DAILY AND THAT HE DID LOVE ME BUT WAS IN LOVE WITH HER....DEVASTATING TO SAY THE LEAST!! HE IS CLAIMING THAT HE WAS IN THE LOWEST TIME OF HIS LIFE AND THAT ALL THE THINGS HE WAS SAYING HE REALLY MEANT TO BE TELLING ME. I JUST DON'T HAVE ANY FEELING ANYMORE AND ZERO RESPECT FOR HIM. NOW HE IS BEGGING FOR ME TO STAY...CAN THIS EVER BE WORKED OUT? IS THEIR TRUTH TO WHAT HE SAYS OR IS HE JUST A DESPERATE MAN THAT DOESN'T WANT TO BE ALONE....SO LOST

ANSWERS

There remains hope if both of you are willing to reach for it. If the background is limited to his cheating on you a quarter of a century ago, then there should be things you have shared that can provide a base for you to work from. You also have the experience of having addressed the previous cheating.

That is not to say that it will be easy. Recent studies have shown that cheating is one of the hardest things for a couple to work through and beyond. The fact that he was hiding what was going on goes to the core of trust. You express this in what you say.

The road ahead will not be easy. If you want to work it out and move onto more years together, hopefully better years, you could be assisted in that process by getting the help of a marriage therapist. That person would be able to explore where you are at and what is going on and give more concrete guiding.

Get out of their girl!!! Once a cheater always a cheater!!! He is not satisfied unless he is doing something that he knows is wrong. Get out while you still have time to find someone else who will show and give you the respect you deserve. I think he is in fear of being alone, but good he should be alone and then maybe he will learn from his mistakes. Good luck with everything.

You both have some serious work to do. You have to release the anger, both suppressed and active, rediscover the love you have for each other and get turned on again. Discover if you still have the compatibility, love, respect and chemistry that brought you together in the first place. You will need some assistance to clear 27 years of baggage so get some help from a therapist or relationship coach. For the process to work you both need to be committed to a successful result. You owe it to your children and each other to do the work and see if your relationship can be saved.

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