At the edge of a break-up
So, I am in a realtionship for almost two years with my current boyfriend. He is really smart and intelligent, funny, handsome and charismatic. We live together since almost a year now and we are studying in two very differents fields...
My problem is that my boyfriend and I don't have a lot of interest in common and that is putting a lot of distance between us... For exemple, he studies English Litterature and loves politics, history, poetry and greek litterature. I am studying in traditional animation and I prefer illustrations, art, chick filcks and cooking. To me it wasn't a big problem: I thought that, even if we didn't have a lot of commons intrests, we could still connect through other things... but since we both are in really demanding programs, we have a hard time doing stuff together. I tried to interest myself to my lover's passions, but it bother him that I look so annoyed and bored where ever I go with him, even if it interessed me even a little... We don't even have sex anymore... I am really depressed about this whole situation because I still deaply love him and it breaks me apart to see our relation like this...
So, do you think there is hope for us as a couple, or is it doomed to end? And, if our relation iss saveble, how can we do it?
You don't have to have common interests to stay together; it sounds like the pressure of two intense study programs might be the real culprit. What's more important than common interests is shared values. If you connect on that level and are committed to making it work, you will. (I did it in my own relationship).
Start by admitting that you feel the disconnect. Mention it during a neutral time, and don't start with "we need to talk", that freaks guys out. Ask if he's noticed it, too. If you want to make it work, let him know you're committed to him and the relationship. Together you can talk about ways to re-connect-- walking in the park, going to a movie, whatever. The activity doesn't matter, it's the togetherness.
You can also kick start things by getting a little sassy in the bedroom. Surprise him by being the one to make the first move. Guys get really tired of having to be the initiators, and it'll send a strong signal that you still care.
Also know that it's normal for libido to wane when you're under pressure, as it sounds like you both are. You have to work a little harder to have good sex, but it can be worth the effort.
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Remember the old saying: [HTML_REMOVED]If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.[HTML_REMOVED]
If he wants someone who shares his interests, hobbies, and pursuits, then it sounds like he should be with someone more compatible.
If he doesn’t have the courage to end the relationship even though it is going downhill, maybe you should. Best to find someone who really loves you. And there are many men who would love a girl who loves art and cooking.
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