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Does she really mean it when she says she wants to be with me?
There is this girl I work with. We first hooked up about a 2 years ago. This was right after I had a nasty breakup so I wasn't looking for a new relationship at the time. However at the time She was totally in to me and I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't reciprocal. I just wanted some time to work things out. But I didn't say that. So we did our thing on and off since then. Both of us wanting more, but only when the other didn't. I felt committed to her, but never said it. She felt the same way too and both of our hearts were broken more than once. So when she started talking about other guys I got the wrong message. I thought that was her way of telling me that she was looking for something more. I overcame my fear and had that talk with her. She said how she had tried not to become attached to me and that was the complete opposite of how I felt.
She panicked and overnight whatever we had fell apart. I had begun to move on, accepting what we had. I wasn't happy that I had never got exactly what I wanted, but I was happy with everything that I did get over that time. Then out of the blue she texts me asking to talk.
She explained why she panicked and since we talked last she had missed me and decided that I wouldn't be a terrible boyfriend after all. I told her basically that I was happy to move on and that she didn't have to explain anything. She said that she wanted more as long as I did too and that she wanted to take it slow. So now we are basically back to the friends with benefits, except for the friends part. It doesn't feel like it did and I didn't expect it too. All we've done is had some sex and watch a movie or two. Sometimes I feel closer than ever to her, but others I feel like a used condom, ignored and forgotten.
We planned a date night but she made other plans to have dinner with her mom the next day. With our history putting the other first is kind of an important step. I have made it clear that I was ready to (put her first) in both words and actions.
Did she just want the sex or does she really want to move forward?
How do we become close again and is there a future for us?