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Does he have someone else?

Published on February 15, 2011 by gabina

On Jan 22,2011 I meet this guy. We exchanged numbers of course and we have been talking since. We both had chemestry for each other. He is 43 and Im 38. He was married for 20 years.He is divorced and has 3 kids. He says his wife cheated on him. Ive been divorced for 5yrs now and I have 4 kids. We got along perfect. Since we meet we talked and text everyday a few times a day actually. Well here is the thing. We hung out with his friends about once, he came over to watch movies once, we meet for breakfast once. ONCE ONCE ONCE LOL. Since we both work the same hours we dont really see each other much because of our schedules. He has his kids every other weekend and I have them full time right now but I would accomodate my schedule to hang out with him.  He had told me that Its too soon for me to meet his kids because thats what his therapist told him. Ok, I respect that. Well, my kids are very opened and they have no problem bringing the person Im dating for dinner or movies at my house. Well, Im fustrated now because he hasnt really made time to come over hang out. He is always tired during the week, and is always busy during weekends. I told him from day one what I want, I want to be in a relationship and that I understand that he just got out of a 20 yr marriage so this will not work out. He said no I want to be with you, i really like you alot, on Friday 2/11 he asked me if I would give him a change and be commited to him. So we boht agreed we will be exclusive. Saturday comes, he is with his kids and Im w my family. I didnt get reception at my moms when he called so he text whatever thats a good one. I was like wth! so no call till sunday night. Then monday comes like nothing happened.To make this story short, I think he has someone else, he really likes me he says but that he wants to take it slow and get to know me. He denies the whole thing of course but all the actions that he shows me I really dont buy that. He couldnt even see me on VDay because he beleives that if you like someone you can bring her a gift any day. True but seriously I havent seen him in over a week and when I did was for breakfast only! NOT! A guy that wants to be a woman would do anything to see her. You dont need to bring me flowers or gifts just stop by and give me a hug thats all! Im very independent, hard worker, great cook, loveble, great heart, I give 100% in a relationship but I just dont take shit from anyone anymore. My heart was broken 2 yrs ago but that doesnt mean i need to be bitter with all other men. No, not at all,. He then has the b....lls to call this morning and said he was sleeping all day on VDAY to give him a chance, that I have issues, that why do i treat him like if he was my bf ? that what can he do not to loose me! Loose me ? he never had me ! I told him straight out not to ever call me again. I can go on and on but just give me your opinion??

ANSWERS

That guy obviously doesn't even know what he wants, I think you are right and he probably has some other option (or options) and he is checking to see which one he goes for. With his attitude he is sending you clear signals that he is not that into you, when a man is truly interested in a woman he makes time to see her whenever he can. Don't lose your time with someone like that, you deserve much better. Good luck.

HAHA ! I agree with you. Thats why I told him straight out this morning! Like I told him before I dont want to waste my time so please get your s...t together and find someone else. Im very independent and Im not here to play games. Thanks you Zylys!

I think you did the right thing. It may be hard to face the truth sometimes, but when you know in your heart what is going on you might as well go ahead and deal with it honestly. This shows him that you have integrity and that any man that you are going to be with must first be honest. Men think so often that they are so smart and can do whatever they want and then tell you some stupid reason to believe them. Women need to call them on it and not start out from the beginning overlooking this stupid behavior. Not all men are like that--you deserve a good man!

It seems that he is only available when it is convenient for him. He wants to keep you on hand, just like you have that can of tomatoe soup in the back of the cupboard. You don't think about it often, but it is there when you want to use it. Don't be his can of tomatoe soup!

Hi there, I can totally see why you would be frustrated especially around Valentine's Day. There's a lot of pressure around this time. Although I'm going to be bold here and give you a little bit of a different perspective. You could be right, it could be that he is seeing someone else or a few other someone else's. Or...it could be something else.

A different perspective is to look again at the fact that as you said, you have only gone on three dates with him. It also seems he was trying to take it slow with you and maybe taking his time to get to know you. He may have been right in the fact that he was confused about your expectation of him on Valentine's Day, which could be why he suggested that you were treating him like he was your boyfriend.

In some ways, he sounds like he may be so busy with his kids and possibly his job that he doesn't have that much time to date and that he may still be trying to figure out how to juggle everything including dating. He may have not dated too many women since his divorce either and could be a little out of practice. Just making some guesses.

Yes he may not have been able to make you a priority and yes men mostly do whatever it takes to be with a woman they like but when a man has responsibilities like kids, they usually come first. It also sounds like in some ways you could still be a little angry and have not fully gotten over your hurt from your past relationship(s)? Dating is a process. The older we get the more we have responsibilities that are a little different than when we were younger and our energy level is different too.

It's important to get really clear about what you value and want in a relationship as well as other considerations. Here is an example: Most women want a man who is financially stable yet they forget that there is a flip side to everything. If you expect a man to be financially stable, the flip side is that he probably works long hours, and may not have as much time to spend with you.

Yes you are all these great things so give a man time to get to know them about you. You also might want to ask yourself why you were putting all of your eggs in this basket? As women we have a tendency to meet a man we like, and without realizing it, we subconsciously commit to him.

I hope this helps. If you want to chat more about it, you can email me at alanna@i-love-my-life.com

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