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Do past sexual experiences affect a relationship?

Published on August 5, 2010 by diamond20

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. I had sex with a few guys before I ever met him, but he was a virgin. We have had sex but now he has brought up the fact that he has sudden urges to have sex with other people because he feels like he missed out. I told him that scared me and he told me he has felt that feeling maybe twice in our whole relationship and it makes him sick to think about ever doing anything with anyone else. We are both trying to figure out how we can make these feelings stop for him without him wandering outside our relationship. We both don't want this to haunt us later in life if we end up getting married.

ANSWERS

Practice makes people better, right? so yea, more sexual experiences makes a person more .... experienced.. The very fact that he has thought about having sex with other people is because you are not satisfying him, and therfore he has this unsatisfied desire to have sex the way he dreams about.

Asking him to stop wanting sex (presumably better and hotter sex) is not the solution. The real solution is for you to have better sex with him so feels sexually satisfied with you. sorry to lay it out there like this, but that the reality from a guy's perspective. you can sugar coat it all you want.

It is natural for him to be curious. Accept that fact. Tell him that you can offer him more experiences by becoming less inhibited in bed. Get over your inhibitions and talk dirty in bed sometimes to him with every four letter word you know. Tell him what you want him to do to you and for you in very graphic terms. Scream when you come, it will be music to his ears. If you have any inhibitons about blow jobs and letting him come in your mouth and you swallowing, get over them. Watch porno with him once in a while. Never ever make fun of his sexuality or put him down for it. Change positions once in a while. Ride him facing away and he can see his johnson being buried in you. You can also use a vibrator in this position to get off while riding him. It is a win-win. If you want more advice email me at marriagecoach1@yahoo.com

This was the problem with my ex-husband. I can't offer any advice on how to fix it, obviously, but I can tell you what to look out for. My ex-husband was self-conscious because I had had 4 partners before him, and he had only had one before me. He mentioned it all the time (making me regret being honest with him) and started delving deeper into porn sites online. He'd always had a thing for porn (I learned just before we got married), but it became an obsession for him. Not only that, but he started talking to people online and exchanging pictures and graphic e-mails. I do not know if he ever met with any of them. However, when I was pregnant he told me that he had a girlfriend. That ended badly, and I took him back (yeah, I know). It happened again, and I took him back again. The third one was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, and I left him.

I think that you need to be honest and upfront about his concerns and talk about it. And watch for warning signs that his attention and curiosities are wandering.

I think the advice I've read above is all excellent. This wont go away. Since you can't change him you will have to change yourself. Given the number of men online who are happily married except for the lack of uninhibited, wild, and adventurous sex life consider yourself lucky to have advance notice of an issue before it becomes destructive.

It's time to start watching porn together, going to sex shops together and buying new toys, and getting comfortable with your own sexuality so that you can share this exploration with him.

I think I have an idea of how to solve this, but that will depend on how committed you are to one another. First let me ask a few things of yourself, when you had sex with your previous partners, did you regret any or where you just out there to have a good time? And when the time came when you two came to be together and you had sex, did you think of him as any more special or as just another partner? I've heard stories of other couples when either the man or the woman was a virgin and they wish they could have saved themselves for their spouse, that they didn't really deserve them and they wish they could have saved the virginity for them because their spouse is who makes them feel special, better than anyone of the previous partners. I don't know how you feel about this, but do you feel as though you should have saved yourself for your current boyfriend? If yes then you should mention that to him the next time that yes that you had sex, but it wasn't anything special because you really wanted to save it for him and that you would have rather not had sex with the other guys, that it doesn't matter how attractive they were, that when you met (the guy you are with now) that you felt that you should have saved yourself for him because over the two years that you two have bonded in love and that love is what you really wanted. Not so much sex, but love and that you wanted to share it with him. Tell him that if he is really wanting to have sex with others, all he will feel is emptyness because it is not with someone he loves, that there will be no feelings of love and that is what you want to share with him, that you're sorry you didn't save your virginity for him, but if you could go back and change it, that you would not have sex with any of them and wait for him, because he is the one that you love. Ask him to please not sleep around with other women, because you love him and trust him and want to be with him. It's an idea, but I hope it helps

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