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Do I need to break up with my boyfriend?

Published on July 4, 2012 by scaress123

To start off this little story, I just want to say that I do have a wonderful boyfriend (compared to my exes). We've been together for a year now and we started dating last June of 2011. We hit it off great in the beginning. We both had high aspirations and we really cared about spending time with each other and doing things that were out of the ordinary. All of these things really brought us together. Well, in December we decided to move in together. It was all downhill from there.

We started arguing a lot more about things around the house. Very typical for a couple that just moved in together, in my opinion. We always talked things out either the same day of the argument or early the next day to not prolong any fights and let them get worse. Anyway, toward the end of April, we started fighting very badly. Things got worse, still arguing over things around the house and he made me feel like I was less desirable. We then moved into a new place in May and things haven't been any better. He ended up breaking up with me one morning because according to him I'm too angry of a person. I'm going to be honest, I am. I am very stressed out and I don't know how to relieve my stress so I bottle it up and when he does something to provoke me I explode. He took me back a few days later but apparently he wanted me to fight for him and stroke his ego because he didn't feel wanted by me. I've been changing A LOT and have gotten a lot better at controlling my anger and even he has noticed that. I really try to compliment him and I notice when he does something around the house and I always try to give him praise so that I make sure he's happy. I don't want to feed his ego and have him take me for granted, but I always try to avoid arguments.

Since I've been less angry with him and we've been seemingly doing better, he doesn't give me any attention unless he's wanting something from me. The first thing he does is get on the computer when he gets up in the morning or when he gets home from work. He rarely even tries to do anything with me. Last Tuesday, 6/26, was our one year anniversary and he took me out to dinner and we had a great night. Since then, things have gone back to the way they've been and he's ignoring me again and it makes me feel like he doesn't even want me. Not sexually, not emotionally, not physically. He just doesn't want anything to do with me. If I try to talk to him about it calmly, he claims I'm just trying to pick a fight now that things are going good. I can't talk to him about my feelings. When he actually does try to change something, it only lasts a few weeks then he slumps back into his usual ways. I've gotten to the point where I'm giving up on our relationship. Of course, I love him and I really want to make it work, but I don't want to be the only person trying either.

Sorry for the long story... Can you give me some sort of advice on what I should do? Any ways to try to talk to him or should I just end it now before it gets worse?

ANSWERS

We have the same scenario and me myself don't even know what to do. I'll be waiting for some answers down from comments to give light to my sorrow. lol

I was in a similar situation with my ex boyfriend. I was always feeling like I was the one holding the relationship together. In the beginning when I would talk to him about the things he needed to change/improve on (communication)he would say he would try his best to work on it and would improve. That only lasted until the next fight we would have where he would revert back to his same ways of not communicating with me. Eventually I tried to talk myself out of the way I felt and convince myself "thats just the way he is". Well one thing I learned is that you cant change a person who doesnt want to change. As much as you love him like I did as well and try to communicate with him if he's not willing to put in thw work to make your relationship better then take this as a lesson learned and move on. I believe for every failed relationship we have it only makes you a better person and you get to know yourself and your needs alot more than you ever knew before. Good luck!

This seems like your typical newly weds kind of story; except you guys aren't married. I must admit, I have never experienced this. But from others I know, it is normal to argue and fight a lot when you move in with each other for the first time. Unfortunately, guys are like that. When things are bad, they notice them. But when they're good, it's whatever. Sounds like the, "not wanting to have anything to do with you," feeling that you're getting from him. And I know the "picking a fight," line all too well. That's just something you're not going to be able to change about him, because that's what males do (I like to call it selfish, but maybe it's just me). One thing I've learned from my experience with males is that, it's not that they're dumb....but they're dumb. You have to specifically, down-to-the-tee, explain what you mean--without using extreme words. Any talk to them, sounds like trouble, when they don't wanna hear it or think you're attacking them. Maybe you shouldn't use strong, emotional words like "good" or "bad"; but neutral words like boring. Try telling him that the relationship is boring, instead of good or bad. Be the first to kick-up the romance in you twos relationship. And if that doesn't work, I don't know what to tell you. But you do have to treat males like children. You can't come full force, "I don't like this. I don't like that." You first have to come with suggestions that points to what you really want to say. I know...complicated to the point that they should come with manuals. Hope this helps.

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