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Do I get move on when I really like this guy?

Published on February 5, 2010 by teasethesun

I was seeing a guy who is younger than I. He's almost 2 years younger than I am, but we're both considered pretty young: he's 18 and I just turned 20 (I would appreciate it if the age wasn't mentioned). Things were great: he would always call and check up on me; we had a lot of fun together; we both gave each other a great rush. However, after break he became really busy and even got sick, and would even flake on me but apologize incessantly. After about a month, he basically ended things when he found out his close friend passed away. I think we both come from pretty sheltered backgrounds, so this news must have been devastating for him and I can tell he's not mourning in a healthy way. In the beginning of our relationship he told me that his previous girlfriends would get be frustrated with him because he was unable to balance out his life between school, sports, dating, etc. The news of his friend did not help with that at all. He told me that he could not handle a relationship right now, but that he would like it if I called him and if we still remain friends. He also doesn't live very close to where I live and he will be moving far away for college. Most of my friends are telling me to drop him, but I can't seem to be able to. Should I reach out to him like he had asked or is he just saying that as a cordial way to break up? Is this over but I'm just too delirious to see it? Is it dumb if I wait for him?

ANSWERS

Its actually good that this guy is honest with you and lets you know that he can't handle this right now. And to be honest, he is 18, that is a lot for an 18 year old to deal with and he's right to do what he needs to do.

Now, I think you need to do what you need to do. In your mind you need to stop thinking of him as your boyfriend, you are broken up. And if contacting him makes you sad or makes you wistful, then maybe its not a good idea for you to do that for now. And as far as waiting for him? That is hard. Don't put all your hopes on it. I think it would be better for you to mourn the loss of the relationship. And move on and if you can, try and be friends with this guy still. But if its too much, then just let him know that you still have feelings for him and just being friends is too hard.

I can't say if you'll get back together again. There are too many factors. You guys are in a tough time of growth and maturity in your lives. You could grow apart or grow back together. But whatever the case is, you need to find out what it is you need to do to achieve some closure on this.

It sounds like he's going through a lot right now, particularly with the death of a friend. Perhaps he needs a friend more than anything else right now, which is why he asked you to be there as his friend only. Like Lyz said, he's being honest with you about not being able to handle a relationship right now. If you can't be there for him as a friend in his time of need without the pressure of your relationship (and let's face it, that would be hard to do in your situation) it's probably best to give him some time to sort things out on his own. Stop thinking of him as your boyfriend and ask yourself if you could honestly be okay just being friends with him. Take some time to get over him. And then maybe if you want to try to remain friends with him while he's away for college you can work on that.

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