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Do I fight or do I run? Help!

Published on December 2, 2012 by mareea

Hello everyone,

I recently met a very nice guy and we managed to hit it off very quickly. We have a lot in common, we have many of the same interests, we have the same sense of humour etc. We made out a few times and things seemed to be going very well, I was excited about being with a guy who treated me well and whom I felt I could trust, since I have some negative past experiences.

Yesterday though, he confesses that he has a girlfriend at home (we're both originally from the same country but our lives are in the UK now). At first I was quite upset and I resigned to giving him up. But then I thought that it was actually brave of him to tell me that, even though it was a bit late. I can also imagine that he must be in a bit of a tricky situation, I myself have been in LDRs and I know it can be challenging.

I asked him what he wants/expects now and all he could say was that he really enjoys spending time with me, that I made his life happier and that he'd be very sad to lose me. I asked him if he wants to be with this girl at home and he said that he will only be able to make a decision when he goes home in 3 weeks for Christmas and sees her. I understand that, since I don't believe anyone should break up over the phone/internet. But I have no guarantee that he will indeed decide to break up with her at Christmas.

So my dilemma is this: do I stick around and keep spending time with him (which I know we'd both enjoy) and try to tip the scales in my favour (after all, why would he break up with his girlfriend if there's no guarantee I'll be there for him?) or do I let him go so he can sort this out before he contacts me again?

I really really like this guy, I feel like there could be something beautiful between us and I want to fight for him, but not if it's a lost case. I was tempted to tell him to only call me if he breaks up with her over Christmas, but I don't want to be giving out ultimatums so early on and I'm also afraid that if i keep away and reject his attempts to see him he will just forget about me and decide that maybe I'm not worth breaking up for.

What do you guys think? I feel like I need a fresh outlook on this, expecially from someone with more experience with these things. Thank you so much in advance for any reply, all help is appreciated! 


An emotionally mature man with good ethics would not cheat on his girlfriend. And no, being long distant is no excuse. If he broke up with her, and got with you, what makes you think you'd be so special that he'd be faithful to you? His ethics stink. What you see is what you get. And your ethics suck if you continue to be romantic with him now that you know he has a girlfriend. Leave attached men alone. For one thing, they're not worth your time. For another thing, karma will come back and bite you in the @#$%. Treat people how you want to be treated. If you don't like women messing with your bf, don't mess with theirs. And yes, after a man has hooked a woman, he will be honest about the other woman. That's because he won't feel guilty when the woman is dumb enough to be his FWB without him making an exclusive commitment to her. He can have his harem and not have to lie to you. Don't be that dumb woman who accepts his crumbs.

That's my opinion. Don't stay in contact with him. Your happiness lies with a man who is single, knows how to be faithful, and knows how to treat a woman. So what if he's cute and you enjoy his company? You can find a cute, nice man who is a real man and not a cheating boy, who has great ethics. Get going and go find him. Life is too short to spend it on garbage.