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dilemma

Published on May 11, 2014 by foolloser

me and my girlfriend tanzi has been in a relationship for last two years. we have been happy together. we both love each other. and i trust her very much. my girlfriend had a love affair with her cousin pavel since their early teen. everytime she would break up with that guy and afterwards she would go back to him. eventually in their final year at high school she broke up with him for final time. it occured more than 5 years ago she afterwards made relation with another guy called sifat. though this guy loved him but she felt really empty. and after a year of their "rebound relationship" she broke up. cause deep inside she still longed for her ex bf. her cousin Pavel then she enrolled into the medical school i study. i am in her senior batch.. we met in a cultural program .. after talking and chatting for a few weeks..we fell in each others love ... and we are still together happily.... until..... a week ago she went to her cousins wedding.. and there she met her first ex bf .. and she could not control her emotions and they came very close.... she stayed there for 5days and all the time they were together... and all this time she was avoiding me.. she would not answer my calls..replied my texts and one night she texted me.. she still loves her ex. .. she came back home 4 days ago... we met... she was crying... she told me she loves both me and the ex...but she feels she broke my trust on her... she cant forget her ex... her heart tells her to go back to her ex but she is confused between me and her ex... she asked me to give her a one month break with no contact... she will think and decide in the mean time. i told her ok.. i give u the time i told her.. if u wish to go i wont hold u back... i will let u go... i love u.. i want u to be happy.... but if i ask u that will u marry me...will u let me love u. live with u. grow old with u. will u stay? she said she will think about it. and asked me to give her the break... i respect her... its been four days we have been in no contact... i miss her terribly.. but i wont call her the question that is popping inside my head is... i love her so i must set her free... i told her that if she wishes she may go... but....have i done it wrong to ask her to stay? she is in a confused state now.. should i let her free now? or should i wait for a month? if i wait here and she doesnt come back. i will be in much pain. but atleast i will know she is happy even if she comes back will she be really happy? and can i trust her as much i did? or i should walk away now with my dignity intact? she broke my trust.. thats for sure...

ANSWERS

It sounds like you really love her since you want her freedom and happiness. It seems to me that if she needs time to be clear in her heart, there is no shame in waiting. She will have made a decision for you if she comes back. If you walk away now, you will not know if she chooses you and therefore to save your dignity, you could be giving up a life with her. You need to decide if love is more important than protecting your dignity(which you must perceive as weak since it needs protection).

Just because she felt conflicted in her heart, doesn't mean you won't be able to trust her if she comes back. A boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is not a life commitment. It is the time to find out if this is someone you would like to make such a commitment with. It sounds like that is what she needs to sort out. In the end, we cannot control whether someone else will stay with us or love us back, we can only choose to love or not.

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